Mafia Desire (Erotica)

By morning, I had resolved to try to minimize contact with her as much as I could. Even thinking about avoiding her made my stomach knot up, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t risk ruining our relationship. I needed to stay away until I shook the romantic feelings I had for her. It was the only idea I could come up with. I had even gone so far as to research the topic online, making goddamned sure I cleared my browser history when I was done. The last thing I wanted was for that to pop up if someone used my laptop to check their email or some shit.

Skye had long been in the habit of putting a copy of her work schedule on the fridge so she could easily keep track of her shifts at the pharmacy. That made it convenient for me to know when she was least likely to be home. I picked up all the extra shifts I could get at work on her days off and spent a lot of time at the gym or hitting the bar with Kevin or one of the other guys from work. I even crashed on the couch at Kevin’s apartment a time or two after we’d been out drinking far too late. But I can’t say I really enjoyed myself. I thought about her all the time. I missed her.

It wasn’t like I could avoid seeing her completely, of course. Every time I did see her, my heart ached to linger and talk to her. She always lit up when she saw that I was home and tried to visit with me as much as possible. She would text me occasionally to touch base and ask when I’d be home. I could tell that she missed hanging out with me. That only made it harder to keep the distance I was trying to place between us. It was for her own good, I kept telling myself. But it fucking sucked.

* * * * *

On Thursday night, I got home from a closing shift at work to discover my sister curled up in one of the big recliners in the living room reading a book. She was dressed in a pair of light blue pajama shorts with a matching long sleeve blue top. My breath caught in my throat a little, at the sight of her. The way she was folded up into the chair had caused her pajama shorts to ride up and the sexy curve of an ass cheek was partially visible. Her hair was tucked behind her ear and she absentmindedly chewed on a thumbnail as she was reading.

I sighed inwardly, realizing I hadn’t made much headway on breaking myself of my feelings for her and went upstairs. As a brother, I was failing miserably. After a quick shower, I dressed in sleep pants and an old t-shirt. I had just started streaming a Jesu album and was attempting to read an article about invasive salvinia plants on my laptop when there was a knock on the door.

“Hey,” Skye leaned on the door frame, her arms wrapped around herself, making her seem even smaller than usual. Her top hung down to mid-thigh, longer than her very short pajama shorts, giving off the illusion that there may be nothing beneath her shirt. I felt a knot building inside and tried not to focus on how attractive she looked.

“What’s up?” I asked, turning the volume down on my laptop.

She took a couple of tentative steps into the room, dropping her hands to lightly wring them together in front of her.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked quietly.

“What for?” I replied, not knowing what else I could really say.

“I dunno, we were getting along so well and now you’re avoiding me. I just want to know why.” Her lower lip quivered as she spoke and her eyes started shimmering as if she were about to cry. It clawed at my guts to realize that I’d hurt her feelings by trying to distance myself from my desires. I was trying to do what was right but I just couldn’t win.

“I’m not avoiding you. Work’s just been busy lately.” It was a weak excuse. I think we both knew it.

“I’m not stupid, Ryan. It’s more than work. What’s going on?” She took a few more steps into the room. The pleading look in her eyes told me that she wasn’t going to let this go.

I stared at the carpet trying to figure out what I could possibly say that wouldn’t ruin our relationship forever.

“See? You won’t even look at me,” she choked as she dropped to her knees near my chair. “What did I do? Please talk to me.”

“It’s not you, okay? I promise. I’m just dealing with some shit,” I tried to reassure her, allowing myself to look at her.

“What is it, then? Tell me.”

Her long eyelashes were clinging to each other as tears leaked from her beautiful brown eyes. I’d seen my sister upset plenty of times before, but this was the first time I had seen her this upset over something that was my fault. I felt horrible.

“I.. I just. Fuck,” I stammered, reaching out to cup her warm cheek in my hand. “Please don’t cry.”

She nuzzled her face against my palm like a cat for a half second with her eyes closed before rapidly pulling herself up the length of my arm to bury her face in my chest. I held her close to me and resigned myself to the reality that I was not going to get out of this conversation without coming clean. A tear of my own leaked down my face as I hugged her.

“I’m ashamed,” I nearly whispered, “Ashamed, embarrassed and scared… and fucked up.”

“Why?” The mumbled reply came from the face buried in my chest.

“I took advantage of you at the concert. After warning you about the stuff scumbags do to girls… I’m no better. Then I was so ashamed that I didn’t have the nerve to apologize. I’m really sorry.”Text content © NôvelDrama.Org.

“Oh god, no.”

She tensed up in my arms and scooted away from me.

“Please let me finish. Don’t go, yet.” Scared she was going to run before I finished, I moved between her and the doorway, holding my hands out disarmingly. I felt panicked, desperate to keep her there so we could talk. This is it, asshole. You earned this, I thought. You’re going to lose everything. How the fuck did it come to this?

Skye made no move to get up from the floor, instead, she stared silently at the far wall. She was crying softly, almost shaking and looked pale. God damn, it killed me to see her crying. It was the best I could hope for, I supposed. I swallowed hard, trying to force the lump in my throat down enough to let me get through this.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” I continued. “Even before the show, I thought about you all the time. I’m fucked up, okay? I’m in love with you. I know it’s wrong. Please don’t hate me. I’m an asshole.”

I slumped against the door frame and sank to the floor. It was all out there now. No taking it back. I wished I could run or something. I wanted to disappear. She should be angry with me. Or disgusted. Both. I wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her but I was afraid. Would she ever want me to touch her again after finding out how fucked up I was? Her own goddamned brother just told her he was in love with her. I felt like the world was caving in around me.

“Look, I know I’m fucked up but I’ll fix this, I swear. I’ll move out and get my shit together. I’m gonna see a shrink or something. Get myself sorted out.”

“No!” She nearly screamed it at me this time, with such alarm in her voice that I jumped reflexively.

“You aren’t listening. I’m in love with you and I… I can’t be.”

“I am listening. But you’re wrong.”

“What do you mean?” I stared at her, puzzled by her reply.

“The concert was my fault, not yours. We were standing so close at the show that I felt you behind me. I saw the height of the rail and realized if I stood on the bottom rung, it would be just about right for my butt to be even with your… to feel you against me.”

She drew her knees up and folded her arms, burying her face in the crook of her arms.

“I don’t understand.”

“I had to get your attention. You keep talking about leaving. We’ll never be the same. Never see each other. Not like we do now. I couldn’t let you go without you knowing how I feel about you,” She paused to look up at me, her eyes shimmering in the dimly lit room. “How much you mean to me.”

My mind was going a thousand miles an hour, trying to make sense of what she was saying. For some reason, my eyes focused on an old stain on the carpet where she had spilled a fruit drink years before.

“Pretty stupid, right?” She asked with a mocking tone of voice. “It sounds so dumb now. At the time it made sense to me. Grind on your brother at a concert. Go for it. That’s the best way to finally tell him you love him, right? And everyone says I’m so smart.”

Skye scooted across the floor to me and reached her hand up to softly stroke along my jaw guiding my gaze over to meet hers.

“I love you, Ryan.”

The words thundered in my ears, though she had barely whispered them. This is a bad idea, I told myself. You could ruin her life. She’s just confused. That’s all. But the look in her eyes as she stared into mine told a different story. I could see the adoration in them as she leaned in closer.

I tilted my head toward her voice and felt the tip of my nose brush lightly across her cheek. She smelled amazing. We were so close to each other. My breath caught in my throat. I’m really about to kiss her, I thought to myself. My heart was hammering hard enough to feel like it could burst out of my chest at any moment.

Suddenly our lips touched. It was soft at first, our lips barely brushing against each other, but one of my hands came up to cradle the back of her head and we began to kiss in ways that siblings shouldn’t. I could taste a hint of her berry flavored lip gloss that triggered a long forgotten memory of her getting it for Christmas years before and pestering me into trying it on. My lips parted and I ran my tongue lightly across her lower lip. Her own lips parted a moment later and I felt her small tongue collide with my own. A soft moan escaped her, a sexy sound that I’d never heard my little sister make before.