A REASON FOR MARRIAGE

She just nodded, every part of her warming under his gaze, but then conversely she also felt like running as fast as she could in the other direction. There was something going on between them. It was as if they were inviting a deeper intimacy into their already ambiguous relationship, and yet that cool distance was still there, confusing her. Sara’s well-worn alarm bells were coming back to clanging life.

————

The next day Sara’s nerves were jangling. She could remember coming back to the apartment the previous evening, how badly she’d longed for Simon to make love to her so she didn’t have to contemplate all the mounting confusion, worries and fears in her mind. Fears that were incoherent and tantalizingly out of reach. Simon had been preoccupied and distant again. He’d merely said goodnight and shut himself in his office.

Then he’d reminded her that morning that he wanted to take her out to dinner. She dreaded that, especially if he wasn’t going to touch her throughout the night.

“Don’t you have work?” she’d asked over the rim of her tea cup, trying not to let her eyes wander down over his jeans-clad legs and his dark sweater. He’d just shaken his head.

So now Sara was waiting outside for him to bring his car round. When he appeared and pulled in front of her, her jaw dropped. He got out and looked at her over the hood of the car.

“What is it?”

“This isn’t your car.”

Amusement laced his voice, but something very panicky was taking off in Sara’s belly.

“I have a lot of cars. But you’re right; this is a new one.”

“But…you had a sports car.”

“If I remember correctly, You once said you hated those cars. You said they represented inadequacy, and the inability of men to function sexually and in the world.”

“I know I did.” Sara felt like wailing, remembering that it had been a laughable argument to throw at him. But right now she would have given anything to see his Porsche. She actually felt slightly as if she were going to hyperventilate. Or get sick.

“But this…this is…” She looked at him helplessly.Ccontent © exclusive by Nô/vel(D)ra/ma.Org.

He quirked a brow in her direction and she was transfixed by his eyes. “A family car?”

That was exactly what it was. She tore her eyes away from his. It was a sleek, brand-new, beautiful top-of-the-range Mercedes family car. When he came round and held the passenger door open for her, she was too scared to look in the back and see if he’d actually bought a baby seat too. Panic gripped her like a suffocating vice around her heart. He got in beside her and started to drive, and she could feel him send her a quick glance.

“Are you OK? Are you feeling sick?”

Sara alternately shook her head and nodded; she didn’t know what was going on with her. When he went to slow the car for a second, as if to stop, she put a hand on his arm, and even that brief touch sent a whole host of other feelings and sensations through her body. She jerked her hand away.

“No, I’m fine. Really.” She was a mess.

He flicked her another sideways glance as if to make sure and then said, “I got the car for you. I know you have yours but like you said, this is a family car and you’ll need it. You can get used to it with me driving first.”

Sara nodded, “It’s a great idea. Thank you so much, Simon,” she managed, unable to say anything else.

Throughout dinner she was very quiet, and said that she was alright whenever he asked if something was wrong. She knew his heart was in the right place, and she could see that he was making very good plans to make sure she and the baby would be alright after she gave birth. But where would he be then? Where would they be? She had no idea, and she hated that she was so worried about it. Cleary he wasn’t…. In fact, it seemed like he was looking forward to it.

__________

In the car on their way back home, Sara could feel tiredness wash over her, and she stifled a yawn. She couldn’t help sinking down a little into the comfort of the seat. She felt safe and protected and warm. And before she knew it, she was slipping into a welcoming dark abyss. So she didn’t see when Simon looked over, and she didn’t see the intense look on his face as his eyes swept down over her body. And she only had the barest of sensations when he reached over and tucked some wayward hair behind her ear.

Simon tore his eyes away from Sara as she fell easily into sleep. He couldn’t believe he was in this situation, but he was looking forward to a future with her and their baby. He glanced at her again, his chest tight with emotion. She was his now.

He knew that he never wanted to let her go, that he would do whatever it took to show her that they had something beyond the physical. That they had something that could work, that could last. And to do that all he had to do was avoid the physical. He grimaced. When every part of him burned up just looking at her, he knew it would be the hardest thing he’d ever done-yet at that moment it was the only way he knew how to show her, to demonstrate to her his intention.

_________

Sara woke the following morning to find herself naked but for her underwear in her bed, and she couldn’t believe it when the clock said 10:00 a. m. She’d slept for the entire previous evening and night. Had Simon l undressed her? Who else could it have been? And she’d slept through it?

She showered and dressed quickly, feeling completely disorientated. When she emerged into the main drawing room after finding no note in the kitchen, she jumped with fright when Simon’s office door opened and he strode out, dressed head to toe in his successful-billionaire gear. Her heart clenched.

She folded her arms defensively, not sure why she was feeling like that. Prickly. “I’m sorry, I was obviously more exhausted than I thought. It must be the pregnancy.”