Alpha Billionaire Series

MADII

Irifled through my closet as if it were the first date I had ever had with Gavin, wondering what to wear. I didn’t care what I wore. I was more anxious about what we'd talk about than my outfit. And it wasn’t that I hadn't thought about what to say, or what I would say. I'd done nothing but think about what to say or do for two weeks. Since the day my life got turned upside down for the second time.

“I'm beginning to think you have horrible luck, and maybe when I get married you shouldn't be in my wedding party. Violet sat on the end of my bed, cross-legged and snickering. She'd come home from college for a visit, and I had asked her to stay with me for a few days. Since I'd put space between me and Gavin, my evenings were lonely. I figured sister time was just what I needed to keep my mind occupied.

“Thanks for that vote of confidence.” I wasn’t humored by her jokes. Two bachelorette parties in a row that never resulted in wedding bells was enough to make me have my own doubts. I didn’t need her jibes to make it worse. Pulling out a pair of skinny jeans and a pale pink blouse, I spun around and held them up for Violet to see. She shrugged, scrunching her nose on one side. “You're going on a date, not to the grocery store. Shouldn't you look nicer?” Violet popped off my bed and bounded over to the closet, nudging me aside so she could sort through my wardrobe.

“It's just that...” I wanted to tell her this wasn't a date, that Drew and I needed to talk about things before I could officially make my decision about Gavin or what my future held. But my words stopped in my throat.

Violet yanked the jeans and top out of my hand and hung them back on the rod, then pushed me aside. “You know, you need to tell Drew soon. If you don't tell him, he will hear it from one of his friends, or one of your mutuals. Maybe even his mother”

I winced, shrinking away from her to plop on my bed. I flopped backward so I lay there staring up at the ceiling. Swirls of texture had my eyes wandering the familiar patterns overhead. At times as a teen, I would lie on my childhood bed and try to make sense from the shapes, but tonight the only thing on my mind was how to get throug dinner with Gavin, without having a mental breakdown.

“Are you listening?” Violet's voice was muffled. She was buried in my closet waist deep, searching far to the back. I knew the only thing she was going to find back there were cobwebs and dust bunnies, but I let her keep searching. If she was buried in my closet at least she wasn't lecturing me anymore.

“No,” I mumbled. I wasn't listening. I was trying to block her out. Everyone had a piece of advice but the only thing that mattered was how I was feeling. The problem was I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling. How was I supposed to know how to handle this? Even the best internet gurus had no advice for me, specific to my situation. I'd have known if it existed because I spent hours in bed at night looking for some sort of advice.

“Ah ha!” She emerged from my closet holding the pale-yellow dress I'd worn on my first date with Gavin—well my firs official date. She stood next to the bed, holding the hanger in hand, dangling the dress out so I could see it. “This one.”

My heart clenched at the sight. It seemed like so long ago when I'd worn that dress to the fancy restaurant with him. was so uncertain what to even make of what was happening, but Gavin had been so kind, so understanding. He helped me through some of the worst grief of what I had thought was me losing Drew. They say hindsight is 20/20 but my brain felt like even 20/20 wasn't perfect enough.

I saw it all so clearly now, like the sunrise over the ocean with no clouds in sight. Drew was always going to wake up, and I was supposed to wait. I had known it in my heart so strongly. That was why I had stayed by his bedside, sat there mourning, reading to him, visiting. For I6 months I never missed a day, until Alice convinced me to move on. And Gavin had been my escape, my oasis.

“Earth to Madii.” Violet shook the dress, and it flounced around. “What the hell is wrong with you? You are engaged t« the sexiest man alive. You have a ring that cost probably more than your car. You are totally in love, and you're looking like you don’t even want him to come over”

“It's not so cut and dry, Violet. Drew was gone for almost two years. I moved on. I fell in love with Gavin. We were supposed to be on our fucking honeymoon right now and Drew is back.” I covered my face with my hands and sighed I sensed Violet's presence hovering over me, her shadow lingering across the bed.

“I get it that Drew is back.”

I opened my eyes to take her in, wondering if she really sympathized with what was going on. She tossed the dress across the bed and folded her arms over her chest as she looked down at me.

“But you have to snap out of this. Drew knows something is wrong. I could tell when I visited the other day. Alice seems nervous and fidgety, and she keeps telling Drew it's because she’s worried, he will go back into a coma, but I see his face. He has questions. Has he asked you about what happened while he was asleep?”

I sat straight up, frustrated. “No, he hasn't asked, and he wasn’t asleep. He was practically dead.” I wasn’t sure why people saying he was asleep irritated me so much, but I was at my breaking point.

Violet sat down beside me, and the bed shook. “Okay, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know this has to be difficult for you. Have you spoken with Gavin about what is happening? Like what are you feeling about Drew being back?”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

I stared at the small metal trash can that sat next to my desk. My camera bag sat on the corner of my desk, the strap draped and hanging down, almost to the trash can. A pile of tissues mounded on top of the can had spilled over and a few lay strewn on the floor. Evidence of my wrestling was scattered all around my bedroom—the unmade bed, my dirty laundry piled in the corner, weeks of mail left unopened on my nightstand.

Normally I was a very tidy person. I took care of my things because the space made me feel more at home. But since the moment Drew woke up, I had done nothing but stare at the walls. Bills went unpaid, and I barely ate. I hadn't decided if his return had ruined my life or been the best thing to happen to me. I had moments where I cried sheer happy tears because my best friend was back. But when I sat by his bedside, I realized he wasn't back, not yet anyway. We wouldn't be mountain climbing or parasailing any time soon; he couldn't even walk right now.

“I haven't” Gavin was a smart guy. I didn’t need to tell him how fucked up my heart was right now. I could tell he was giving me space to deal with things, but that he was right there too, ready to be my comfort when I needed him. It was how he and I ever had a chance. He had literally friend-zoned himself just for me.

“You really need to." Violet took hold of my hand as if to comfort me, but her insistence that I do things her way irritated me. “Gavin deserves to know how much you're wrestling. He is not going to sit around and wait for you for I months.”

Tears burned at my eyes, but instead of breaking down and crying for the millionth time. I let them turn to sheer rage. I stood and pointed at the door. “Please leave.”

“What?” Violet asked, hurt. She stood and peered at me; her expression sullen. “What did I say? I'm trying to help.”

“I just want to get ready in peace. Just leave me alone for a while” I avoided eye contact as she walked past me into the hallway. In my small one-bedroom home, it would be difficult to avoid each other for very long, but I needed space. Processing my thoughts was hard enough when I wasn't being pressured to do so.

Violet stopped and turned to me once outside my room. “I know that you're going through something right now, but you can't shut out the people you love. I'm not like Mom and her pushiness. She may have pressured you to move or when you weren't ready, but I'm not doing that. I'm just saying, opening up and being honest about what you're feeling is better than bottling it up and hiding from people.” She walked away leaving me with a scorching pain in my heart.

I shut the door and leaned back against it. Gavin would be here to pick me up soon, but I was nowhere near ready. Not for dinner, and definitely not ready to face the actual issue. I heard Violet shut herself into the bathroom, then I heard a soft knock at the door. With a heaving sigh, I pushed away from the door and opened it, dragging my feet as headed toward my waiting guest.

Gavin was dressed casually, in khakis and a polo, his dark hair combed but hanging loose. The stubble on his chin always looked good, as if he intended to have a five o'clock shadow permanently affixed to his face. He offered me a smile and a half a dozen roses when I opened the door.

“You're not dressed?” he asked, stepping in.

I backed away, smelling the roses to hide the frown I knew was on my face. “I'm not feeling so great today.” It wasn't : lie; my emotions had me so tied up in knots I couldn't focus. I wasn't hungry, and I hadn't slept well in days.

Gavin's hand shot to my forehead, but I shied away. “I'm a doctor.”

“You're a neurosurgeon, and it's not that kind of illness, okay?” Turning my back on him, I headed for the kitchen to grab a vase. The open floor plan didn’t allow me any privacy. He followed on my heels anyway.

“We can order in, if that makes you feel better” He leaned against the island bar that separated the living area from the kitchen.

I wanted to reply that what would make me feel better was to just reverse time by several months and never get involved with him, so my heart didn’t feel like it had been put through a blender. But I held my tongue, instead offering him a fake smile.

“Sure!” I pulled a vase from beneath the sink and filled it with water, then removed the plastic from around the flowers and set them in it. They were just another thing that would die and remind me of how fragile life was, hopes and dreams.

“Hey,” Gavin said, taking my hand. I set the vase down and allowed him to pull me into his chest. It felt safe there usually, but right now it felt foreign, like I wasn't supposed to be there. “Let's go sit down and talk, okay?”

He led me to the living room and sat down, tugging on my hand until I was seated next to him. I kept a space between us, but part of me really wanted to just crash into him. I felt like I had messed up everything, that nothing would be right between me and Gavin ever again, or me and Drew for that matter. Tears burned at my eyes before I even had a chance to speak. I lay down, resting my head on Gavin's thigh.

He smoothed the hair out of my face and held me until I was calm, not saying a single word. Gavin was like that, the strong silent type. I felt bad for accepting his comfort without returning the gesture by offering him the answers he wanted. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to tell him that we were okay, that Drew was my past and we could se a date to be married. I just didn’t know what the right thing to do was.

“Talk to me,” he said so hushed I almost missed it.

“I need space, Gavin." A fresh burst of tears came out. How could I even think of marrying him right now, knowing what it would do to Drew? Yes, it had been months since the accident, and I had moved on, fallen in love, gotten engaged, and planned a new life.

But every time I looked at Drew in that bed, helpless and frail, I felt responsible. I had been the one to insist we should do scuba diving when Drew wanted to go hiking and climb. He was in that bed because of me, and for no other reason. No one could tell me any different.

“Hey,” Gavin said, forcing me to sit up. “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay? You can take the time you need. I'm just going to be your support and comfort as you sort this out.”

I looked into his patient eyes and realized what I was doing to him. It wasn’t fair. No matter what choice I made, someone was going to get hurt. And I was going to hurt. I leaned on his chest, and he held me, squeezing tightly. One thing was for sure, I wasn't getting married to anyone. Not Gavin, not Drew, not anytime in the near future.