ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Cross POV

“It’s not what you think it is Kathy, please listen to me, I beg you,”

I said, for the first time in my life I was scared, scared of losing someone, scared of being alone again, I should have seen this coming, I couldn’t believe Ginna had what happened at her house taped, which further confirms the fact that she had planned it all along, but no matter what I say to Kathy she wasn’t going to believe me and I don’t blame her, something did happen, but I didn’t go all through to the end.

The whole day, I had been thinking of how best to tell Katherine what happened with me and Ginna without losing her, I didn’t even work and had wanted to get home early to tell her because I didn’t want to keep it away from her but then, there had been an emergency that needed my attention and I hadn’t been able to leave the office when I wanted and to make it worst, New York traffic made it even harder to get home on time, and by the time I finally did get home, Ginna the evil bitch I thought I knew, the one I thought I loved had sent Kathy the photo, she really did say she will make me regret not choosing her, I do have regrets right now but not because I didn’t choose her but because it took me so long to realize what has been before my eyes all these while, the fact that the only woman I want to be with is my wife.

“I already said explain, I will like to hear your excuse,”

She said stretching out her hands, she looked too calm, I was used to Kathy shouting or screaming when things don’t go her way, but this, this side of her, I didn’t use to it, which scared me the more.

“Kathy, I know what you see, and I know it will be hard for you to believe me but please, I promise nothing happened, it’s just, I just, I didn’t sleep with her okay,”

“Why are you lying to yourself, or should I request for the bastard that sent this to me to send the full video? You are lying and you know it, you know what? I don’t even care, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, this marriage wasn’t meant to happen in this first place and now, I am going to end it, it’s been a rollercoaster these past six months with you and I can’t say I enjoyed it, but at least I learned something from being married to you and it is that no one should be trusted and I shouldn’t make the mistake of believing in people just because I love them, I am getting a divorce and I don’t want you anywhere near me, you can keep the datate and whatever there is, I am not collecting anything from you, I don’t even need child support, I will do my own thing, just give me my freedom by making this divorce a quick and easy one, because I am doing you a bigger favor here, you get to marry the love of your life,”

She let out and all I could make out from everything she has been saying was that she talked about child support, which means, no it’s couldn’t be, or was that it? Why will she talk about child support if that’s not it?

“Kathy? Are we expecting a child together?”

I asked waiting expectantly for her to answer, she seemed to realize she had said something she didn’t want to disclose and I wondered since when she knew we were going to be parents and why she choose to keep the news away from me.

“Kathy? Is that it? How long have you known and why didn’t you tell me?”

I asked gently, I was already on her bad side, I didn’t want to say anything that would make her angrier than she already is.

“That’s doesn’t matter anymore, it’s doesn’t matter right now not when you are the one that messed it all up Cross,”

“Kathy,”

I called moving to her.

“Don’t fucking come near me, you cheating bastard,”

She shouted and I stopped walking, she was looking at me with so many emotions on her face at the same time, and none of those emotions were pleasant, she looked angry, sad, and disappointed at the same time and I am to blame.

“Is that what you wanted to tell me when I get home?”

I asked I can’t believe I let Ginna ruin my life with her schemes, this was supposed to be a happy moment but now it is ruined, for the first time in a long long time I felt tears gather in my eyes, this was painful.

“My child is mine and you have no right over her,”

“We are having a daughter?”

I asked, this should have been good news shared in a happy mood but because I couldn’t make out what I wanted, I ruined that, ruined what is supposed to be the most beautiful moment of my life.

“I don’t know the gender yet, but let’s get one thing straight, I am having a child, not we, by the time she will be born, we will already be divorced and you might even be married to the love of your life already,”

“I don’t love her, I don’t want to be with her, you are the one, Kathy, you are the one I want to be with,”

“God, you are such a liar Cross, you are such a cheat, I can’t believe that I love you, I feel like a fool for loving you, and that’s why I am going to leave you, you don’t deserve me Cross,”

She said and all I could do was look at her helplessly.

“I know you won’t believe me but I love you, Katherine, you, you are the one I love, no one else,”

“Shut the fuck up, just shut up please, ahhhh, don’t lie to me, don’t do anything that would make this even worst than it already is, don’t tell me you love me because you know you don’t,”

She screamed throwing everything in front of her at me, I didn’t even bother to dodge them and just let everything hit me, I deserve more than that for what I did.

“Kathy,”

“Do you enjoy doing this to me? Do you enjoy seeing me suffer like this? Seeing me act like a possessed woman? What did I ever do to you to deserve this? Tell me? Cross, just tell me?”

She let out, her voice going louder with each word, I could only bow my head in shame, this was all my fault, I should have gotten my acts together, should have told her I loved her earlier but how was supposed to tell her that when I wasn’t even sure about how I felt? How did I even let Ginna kiss me, why did I let it happen, why did I kiss her back, all these wouldn’t be happening if only I didn’t delude myself into thinking I still had feelings for Ginna, if I didn’t act all weak in the face of a woman, Katherine wouldn’t be sad and we would have been happy about the news of our unborn, but I went ahead and ruined things, not just with Katherine but with Dean too, since that incident at the office the last time, he hasn’t talked to me or even answered the phone and I hate to say this but his words came to hunt me because I regret everything right now, regret keeping ties with Ginna.

“I am sorry Kathy,”

“Sorry? Do you think sorry is going to fix this? You think you can just do whatever you want and come with the sorry, it worked last time, it’s not going to work now, this time I am not going to let you manipulate me into believing your lies,”

“Kathy, please, I am sorry,”

“Stop saying you are sorry,”

She shouted, and I got scared that she was over-stressing herself as she had to hold the table for balance, her face strained, I moved closer to her to help her but she stopped me.

“Don’t come near me,”

“I just want to be sure you are okay,”

“Stop acting as you care, you don’t mean it, you are just playing a part, I know deep down you are mocking me,”

“I am not, I care about you, I promise, Kathy, please don’t leave me, please, I don’t want you to leave, I want us to be together, you are the woman I love, I will fix this I promise, just don’t give up on me now,”Property belongs to Nôvel(D)r/ama.Org.

“I don’t see how this can be fixed, or do you wanna erase what I saw? Or do you want me to pretend I didn’t see anything? I will be stupid to do that, and no matter how you think of me, I am not stupid,”

“I… Kathy… I just don’t want you to leave me, I will need down and beg, do whatever you want, just don’t leave me, I don’t want a life without you,”

“You got a chance to Cross, and you messed it up, I am tired of this, I have been stressed up already, I don’t want to talk about this again, I just my life back to normal, and I don’t want you anywhere near me, just leave me alone,”

“Kathy, I can’t lose you, I can’t,”

I fought back the urge to cry.

“Please leave alone, I beg you, you have done enough Cross, I am much too young to be going through all these shits that you keep throwing at me, I can’t bear it anymore, I don’t want, I can’t look at you the same Cross, I just can’t, and you are not telling me the truth either, I don’t even know what to believe anymore,”

She let out, with tears running down her eyes, I realized that I had lost her, that no matter what I say, there was no going about it, she turned and left me standing in the room, my whole world breaking into tiny pieces and it was all my fault, it was all because of me, I let myself be used, I should have listened to my heart, I didn’t even know I still had one, I should have listened to Dean, I went out of the room, to the room I knew she would be, I stood there for a while before heading off to the winery, and grabbed a bottle and glass, I needed alcohol to be able to sleep, I couldn’t bring myself to go knocked on the room she was in, I heard her crying when I stood close to the door, I felt guilty, I was guilty, throughout our short period of being married, I have made her cry so much, I understand why she hated me and wanted me gone out if her life, I just wish she would give me a second chance, scrap that I already used my second chance, I wish she would give me a last chance, I would make sure not to make any mistakes again, I drank as I thought of how I am going to clean up the mess I created, throughout the day I have thought of it but then I didn’t know Ginna had plans, now I knew she did and that she was planning to ruin my life while I had been doing my best to make up to her for not being with her in the past, I wondered what more she had in store, because I doubt she would back out, she sent those photos to Kathy for a reason which she had accomplished and I was sure she would not stop there, I made up my mind to go see her the next morning and tell her to fuck off my life forever…