BREAKING POINT

Penny woke to hear the steady fall of rain on the roof and the spatter of heavy drops against the window pane. The room was filled with sombre grey light but she could not be sure whether the dawn was breaking or if the storm were responsible for the darkness. But it did not matter. Nothing mattered except Jeremy.

She turned her head and looked at his face, crumpled like Howard’s in sleep. Hitherto she had seen only a likeness in the color of their eyes and in their hair curly hair. But now she saw that there was a strong resemblance in the shape of their heads the determined line of their lips in sleep.

Howard and Jeremy. Father and son…. And both hers. She and Jeremy were going to be married. Jeremy had said so. Today, when he woke, she would tell him about his son. Or should she wait and take him to Cornwell for their honeymoon, then show him Howard in person? He could not fail to love his son. Howard was so plump… So warm… So cuddlesome. He would smile at Jeremy from those enormous blue eyes and Jeremy would lift him up and say, “Is he really mine? Do I really have a son?”

Penny smiled inwardly. Men always took the honors for producing their children when really the mothers had all the hard work. But it did not matter. Nothing mattered except that Jeremy should want Howard, as well as herself. Perhaps it wasn’t fair to keep him in ignorance until after they were married? Perhaps he might change his mind if he heard about their baby. He was ready to take on the responsibility of a husband, but would he want this child? It was his son, his. He must want it. Therefore it would be best to wait until they could go to Cornwall… For their honeymoon. How long did it take to get a license? Could they be married today? Jeremy had just returned and if they got married today, they could have a long, long time to spend together…. A long, splendid honeymoon.

Her happiness was suddenly so great that she had no desire to sleep again. She wanted to stay awake so that she could bathe in the wonder of being alive and so happy. After the wedding they would go see aunt Ann and uncle Charles… And take Howard with them… Say that they had been married before Jeremy went to Cairo, but she had wanted to keep it a secret. Aunt Ann would be surprised at first, but she would soon accept it. She would love Howard so much.. Probably spoil him dreadfully. Uncle Charles would adore the boy. He would be impatient for him to grow up so that he could tell him how to hold a criket bat, a gun, a fishing rod.

Oh, how wonderful life was. Sometimes one had to suffer to get what one wanted but it was worth it in the end. She would go through the last twelve months of worry and indecision all over again if it could end this same way. Life always compensated you in the long run. You suffered and perhaps because of that you were the better able to appreciate real happiness when it came… As it had come to her.

Jeremy grunted, sighed, turned towards her and she knew that in a moment he would open his eyes. She watched him with the same maternal tenderness that was in her eyes when she woke Howard up for his bottle. Howard, too, hated waking. He always gurgled and sighed and grunted like a little pig before his lashes lifted and he smiled.

“Ugh! It’s dark. What’s the time?” asked Jeremy, catching at her hands.

“I don’t know, darling. Does it matter?” Penny asked.

He smiled, a slow deep smile of lazy contentment and drew her against him so that she could feel the stuff, curly hair on his chest against the softness of her breast.

“Darling” he murmured. “You are so warm and seductive”

She smiled and snuggled up against him, feeling a contented drowsiness steal over her.

“Jeremy, can we go to Cornwall for our honeymoon?” she asked.

“Uhuh” came Jeremy’s reply.

“Darling, will we get married today or shall we have to wait until tomorrow?” Penny said.

There was no reply and she opened her eyes with an effort to see if he had fallen asleep. But Jeremy, fully awake now, was staring at her as a though he had never seen her before. A cold unaccountable shiver ran down her spine.

“What did you say, Penny?” Jeremy asked.

She too was wide awake now, alert and on defensive.Copyright Nôv/el/Dra/ma.Org.

“I asked if we could be married today or if we would have to wait until tomorrow” she replied.

Jeremy sat up, drawing the bed clothes with him so that she felt a rush of cold hair which increased the coldness that had spread all over her body.

“I explained last night that it isn’t possible” he said vaguely.

“Explained what? You didn’t explain anything” Penny cried, panic clearly evident in her voice. “Jeremy what do you mean? What are you saying?”

“Now don’t get all het up” Jeremy muttered. “It’s too early for a scene”

She stared at him, her heart hammering.

“I’m not making a scene. I asked for an explanation I didn’t get last night”

“I’m sure I told you. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. You must have realized it wasn’t possible”

“What wasn’t possible? Jeremy, for goodness sake stop being so vague. Are you trying to tell me you don’t want to be married after all?”

“Don’t exaggerate, Penny. I am merely pointing out that it isn’t possible to be get married just yet”

“Oh I see” Penny said.

Yes, she did see. It was all so simple and she saw it with painful charity… All that she should have seen last night. In a moment of passion, knowing he could not have her without marriage, he had said ‘Any time. Tomorrow if you want’ But he hadn’t meant it…..

“For heaven’s sake, Penny, dont look so dramatic. Anyone would think the world had come to an end. I’m not trying to get out of marrying you if that’s what you are thinking. Of course we will be married…. Eventually”

Don’t make a scene. Jeremy doesn’t like scenes and it won’t help. Keep calm. Don’t make a scene.

“When is… Eventually?” she asked, trying hard to stay calm.