Dirty Seduction

I wasn’t nearly so certain. I couldn’t be. Julian was such an incredible man that I didn’t believe anyone would want to cast him aside permanently, no matter what the situation was, but he knew them better than I did, just as I knew Mum and Crenham Drive better than he did. With everyone’s voice in Mum’s ears constantly, she’d be under the spell of judgement, and I’d be lost to her.

Still, it was what it was. The world would keep spinning, and Julian and me would still be together, pain binding us as well as love. I didn’t expect anything different, genuinely.

I read Julian’s amazingly written scenes at night, and focused on college in the day, and I spent time with Lola after lessons, and she and Peter joined us for one of Julian’s pork roasts at the weekend. It was great.

But still, I didn’t see my mum.

I stood strong through jeers and whispers, and revised for my exams, and played filthy games with Julian every evening, and it was all fine for weeks. Apart from the fact that I didn’t see my mum.

I thought about hammering her door down, or calling on repeat until she either answered or blocked me, but I knew what she was like. She’d cry and scream and it would push her further back into her shell, and give Trisha more ammunition for her there, there, Rosie’s been turned into an evil, naive bitch front, or whatever other bullshit people were spewing, so I steered clear.

Mum needed to make the move. I wasn’t Scottie. Some garage flowers and expressions of adoration weren’t going to cut it. I was her little girl and would need to let go of Julian. But I couldn’t do that. I’d never be able to. I loved Julian just too damn much.

I was used to kids giving me jeers on the way back from college. It was the same rubbish every day, whether from laughs of girls sniggering, or the guys from block seven giving me their usual crap from the garage bench, or the scathing looks I got from the dog walkers on their usual routes. One person I hadn’t seen in weeks was Jayden, presuming he was just keeping his distance because he hated my guts so much, so I jumped back in shock when I turned the corner for our block to find him there one afternoon, leaning against the wall, waiting for me with hate in his eyes. He was smoking a cigarette, but he tossed it to the floor as I gathered myself together and approached him.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

“Hey,” I tried.

“Don’t fucking hey me,” he said, “I went to see Dad. The prick you’re with is a true psycho. He was gonna stab my dad. Kill him. For fucking real. And he’ll kill you, as well.”

“What?”

“He’s dangerous, Rosie. Once he’s tired of fucking you, he’ll stab you as well and move on to his next little girl victim.”

“Are you for real? Julian’s not dangerous. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“He threatened to kill my dad. And you’ll be next. He’ll soon get tired of you, and you’ll be next. Dad says we might as well do it ourselves to save wasting time. If we got rid of the pair of you, Dad would be able to come home again.”

What the

“Did you just say your dad thinks you should kill me? For real? Seriously?”

“Why fucking not?” Jay said, like he’d lost his mind. “The sicko’s going to do it anyway. Dad says…”

I’d had enough. I shook my head as I walked on by, not wanting another stupid battle, especially such a nasty, overblown one as this one. Scottie could fuck off. Jayden could fuck off too, and I told him so, giving him the middle finger as I passed him. But he didn’t let me go. He grabbed my arm, tugging me back to him and holding me in a grip, his teeth gritted in anger. Just like his father.

“My dad’s gone away because of you, you think that’s fucking funny?” “No!” I snapped. “I think it’s fucking deserved, because your dad is a piece of shit, who should be in prison, and nowhere else.”

“Yeah, so what about your fucked up boyfriend? He’s the one who wants to be a fucking killer.”

“Whatever, Jay,” I said and tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let me go. He kept his grip on me. “Fuck off and leave me alone!” I said, but he didn’t. He was too angry. Too wound up. Too fucked up.

“This is your fucking fault!” he said. “And you think it’s alright, parading around like a slut who got the prize! I’ve heard you’ve been bragging to people. Skipping down the street with that psycho cunt’s hand in yours like a stupid little puppy bitch.”

“FUCK OFF!” I yelled. “Your dad’s the fucking psycho! Not Julian! And it’s definitely, DEFINITELY not my fault!”

“IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!”

I was prepared to launch into another attack of my own, but a voice cut in from across the street, footsteps dashing. I recognised the heels and my heart cried out in relief to hear Mum’s scream, right there beside me.

“Jayden! You’d better leave Rosie the fuck alone, do you hear me? If you don’t, there’s going to be trouble for everyone, not least your fucking dad!”

Jayden let me go, just like that. His eyes locked on Mum’s and he saw her rage, and it seemed to jolt him back to himself. He stumbled back with his hands in his hair. Mum spun around, looking at the onlookers gathering on the outskirts.

“And you lot can fuck off, too!”

People pretended they weren’t watching, going about their business like they hadn’t just observed Jayden practically wrestling me into the road.

“Sorry,” Jay mumbled. “It’s just a fucking mess!”

He was poor little lost Jayden again as he turned and sloped away.

“Jay!” I called, but he didn’t listen. “Jay, wait! Let’s talk about it! Let’s at least try, right?”

He’d been my friend, and the person going through the same shit as me for so long, that it felt painful to watch him leave, but not nearly so painful as when I turned to thank Mum and found she was already walking away.

“Mum, wait! Hang on a minute!”

But she held up a hand, not wanting to hear from me.

“MUM!” I shouted, dashing after her, with relief, and hurt, and love all melting together in one big pot, tears in my eyes. “Thanks, Mum! Just wait! Please!”

She sucked in a breath, and turned to me, and her eyes were teary, too. But it wasn’t enough. Her pain was too strong to build the bridge between us. Even now, after defending me, she still looked as though I’d shit on her doorstep and was nothing but dirt.

“Leave him!” she told me. “Leave the prick and come back home. We can forget it ever happened. You can move back in. Just leave him.”

“I don’t want to leave him! I love him!”

“Fine, then,” she said. “Please yourself, but I’m not having it. I’m not seeing you with a piece of shit like him. No fucking way.”

“Mum” I tried again, but she kept on walking. “MUM!” I shouted again, and I saw her shoulders hunch as she fought back tears.

And that set me off. I couldn’t hold back.

I dropped to my knees at the side of the road, not giving a fuck about anyone watching me, and I cried like a little girl who’d truly lost her mum. Beyond help. Beyond reason. Beyond anything.

Because I was one.

I was a little girl who’d lost her mum, and I loved her. I needed her. Nothing would ever make that go away.

Not even Julian. He wouldn’t be able to stop the pain of me losing my mother. But that didn’t matter, I wasn’t ever going to give him up.

I sucked in a breath of my own as Mum turned the corner at the bottom of the street, and forced myself to my feet, wiping away tears with the back of my hand as I composed myself as best I could.

And then I went home my new home. And to the man upstairs.

The man who loved me.