Falling For The Man I Married

Chapter 61: Broken-hearted me

I found him still sitting in the living room. I thought I would no longer see him there. He was in a daze... sitting while looking blankly at the coffee table. And he didn't even notice that I was heading for the door.

I sighed as I was about to open the door but he hadn't even moved a bit.

Shaking my head, I went back to him. "Gabriel," I said patting him on the shoulder.

He looked up a little surprised when he realized I was standing in front of him.

"Love.."

I held my breath after hearing that word. "I have to go."

He stood up quickly and looked at me. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm old enough to be careless." He looked at me directly in the eye.

"We are fine, are we?"

I chuckled at him.

-'Fucking shit! I'm hurting! I am in pain! Do you think I'm fine?'-

"Of course! What made you think we're not okay?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just take care." he pulled me into a tight hug, but I didn't hug him back. I just patted his shoulder and immediately pulled back. His scent and that sweet gesture make me want to cry and run away from him.

"Call me if you need someone to drive you home."

I nodded. "I have to go," I said and walked towards the door, not bothering to look back at him. I opened the door with a loud sigh.

But the moment I took the first step out, tears started to flow down my cheeks. I covered my mouth to prevent the sobs that wanted to escape my throat and ran towards the garage.

The guards opened the driveway when they noticed my car, and when I was already outside the gate, I screamed. I screamed until my throat hurts. I wanted to ignore the pain and tried to pretend that feeling didn't exist, but I couldn't. Because the more I tried to be okay, the more I felt I was about to break down.

Tears were blurring my visions, but I kept driving. Sobs after sobs were escaping my throat. It hurts... It really hurts... I don't know how to stop it. I don't even know how to control it.

-'I thought we were fine! I thought he had already stopped chasing her, but fucking shit! I was wrong!'-

I turned on the radio to distract myself and focused on my driving, but even the DJ wanted to hurt me more...

***Looking back I could have played it differently.. learned about the man before I fell... but it took time to understand the man, now at least I know, I know him well...

Wasn't it good.. wasn't it fine.. isn't it madness, he can't be mine. But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, he needs his fantasies and freedom... I know him so well...

No one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side... And though I'd move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide..***

I slammed my hands on the steering wheel.

"I hate you! I already know that! Why do you have to shout it out?"

I yelled at the singer who continued her song on the radio. But she's right! I would move my world to be with him, but still, the gap between us is too wide! He can't be mine!

And because I felt tortured with the song, I changed the station, and my tears broke out more with the next song. Is there any song on this radio except these broken-hearted songs?

***Every now and then I cry.. every night, you keep stayin' on my mind... All my friends say I'll survive, it just takes time...

But I don't think time is gonna heal this broken heart... no I don't see how it can if it's broken all apart... A million miracles could never stop the pain, or put all the pieces together again...

No, I don't think time is gonna heal this broken heart... No, I don't see how it can while we are still apart... And when you hear this song, I hope that you will see.. the time won't heal the "Broken-Hearted Me"...*** NôvelDrama.Org (C) content.

"Broken-hearted me? What the heck--- are you sure I am broken? Am I really broken?" I laughed at myself even though I felt a million knives were stabbing my heart at that moment.

"Why do I have to feel this way? Why do I have to be in pain? And why is loving him killing me inside?"

I pulled the car to the parking lot of my restaurant. I shook my head and dropped it onto the steering wheel. I need to compose myself because I know Noelle would definitely notice my swollen eyes.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my heavy breathing.

-'I can do it! You can do it, Madi!-'

Taking my bag, I opened the door and started walking towards the entrance. I immediately walked my way to the back office as I didn't want to confuse my employees. I know they would ask me when they all see me with red eyes and nose.

When I opened the door, I saw Noelle talking to our head waiter, Tony. They both stood up and Tony greeted me. I just nodded and smiled at him when he excused himself to go out.

And there I was left alone with Noelle that has a deep frown on her forehead.

"What happened, Madi? Are you okay?" she asked, concerns were laced in her voice.

"Yup,"

I simply answered and opened the door to the mini-kitchen. I took the pitcher of cold water from the fridge because I believe that was all I need at that moment.

"You said you weren't crying when I called you!"

She scolded me from behind. I didn't know she was following me.

"I didn't."

"Then what happened to your eyes and your nose? You cried! And don't give me a fucking excuse for sniffing all the black peppers in your house before getting here! I won't buy it, Madielyn!"

I chuckled at her. That was my old excuse back in college. I tried to go back to the office and walked past her but I felt her hand in my arm.

"Madi, is there anything you wanted to share?"

I just shook my head and gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Madielyn..."

"I'm okay, Noelle-----"

"No! You're not okay!" I gasped when she snapped at me. "Come here!" she pulled me back to the office and pushed me to sit on the couch.

She also sat next to me. "Now, let's talk about it. Let's talk about what happened!"

"I told you, I'm okay------"

"Fucking shit, if you're okay!" she snapped at me again. I looked at her and her eyes soften immediately. "Tell me the truth, Madi. What happened?"

I sighed and looked at my hands. "Well.. she's pregnant."

She frowned. "Who's pregnant?"

"Stacey."

"Stacey? Wait... Stacey as in... Gabriel's ex-girlfriend?"

I nodded.

"And so? What if she's pregnant--" she paused as her eyes widened. "---don't tell me she's pregnant with--- she's pregnant with Gabriel?"

I nodded again smiling at her.

"Ohh... are you okay?" she asked and then took my hands.

"Of course, I am! Why wouldn't I be okay?" I laughed at her.

"Madi.."

"I'm okay, Noelle! See--- I'm laughing! If I'm not okay, I wouldn't be able to laugh right now, instead, I'm crying!"

But seconds later, I just found myself laughing... laughing uncontrollably.. laughing at the pain that slowly eating me inside. I laughed so hard until stupid tears started flowing down my cheeks... until I can't stop it anymore. I laughed... then after a moment... I also found myself crying in the middle. Then the laugh died.. it was replaced by sobs... loud sobs that almost ripping my throat.

"Ohh... Madi.." I saw her wipe her tears as she looked at me.

I put my hands to my face and let out the cries that I had been holding back for so long. My shoulders shook and I felt her arms around me.

"It h-hurts N-Noelle. It hurts." I said between my sobs.

"That's the thing about pain, Madi. It demands to be felt."

"I - I thought we were okay! I - I thought he... he feels the same way! He showed me care, he showed the feelings that I - I longed to feel. I love him but... it hurts!"

"What happened? I thought you said you two were doing fine these past few weeks?" she rubbed my back.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." I nodded

"So how did he get Stacey pregnant?"

I broke away from her embrace and took some tissue from the tissue box on the coffee table.

"She's two months pregnant. That's when the time Gabriel didn't come home and I didn't know where he slept at night. I thought he had already dropped off his plan to take revenge on her. I thought he had

already let me get into his world, but now I realized how stupid I was to assume those things."

And because I was busy letting out my thoughts, I didn't notice that she was on her phone and sending a message to someone.

"I never knew I could feel so much pain, yet be so in love with the person causing it."

"Madi, you care so much for him, that's why you're hurting. And when you care for someone more than they deserve, you get hurt more than you deserve."

I looked at her with tears and small sobs on my lips.

"Then why are you staying?" She asked after a while.

"It's because I love him." I shrugged.

"Argh! You are the most stupid and dumbest person I have ever met, Madi!"

A bitter laugh suddenly escaped my lips as I tried to wipe my stupid tears. "Do you think I don't know that?"

"Then why don't you let go? Why don't you leave while you're still in love, while you can still feel the pain, and while you're still able to handle yourself? Don't wait until your heart goes numb! If you know you are in so much pain, then why don't you open your eyes? Gabriel is Gabriel, Madi! He won't change himself just for you! Because if he would, I'm sure he already did it a long time ago, for himself and not for anybody else!"

I didn't say anything, I just brushed my hair with my fingers and wiped the now dry tears from my cheeks.

And that was when the door opened and Sandy's worried face came into our view.

"Oh, my Madi," she ran towards our direction and hugged me tightly. And my tears started to flow again.

"How did you know I'm here?" I asked her when she pulled back.

"Noelle sent me a message and I was right near this place when I received her message. Anyway, what are your plans now? Don't tell me you are still going to be their third wheel?"

I chuckled. "I am not their third wheel!"

"And what--- Stacey is the third wheel between you two? Come on, Madi!"

I sighed, wiping the new set of tears.

Sandy is right. I am actually the third wheel between them. Because he only married me just for her. I can't even accuse him of cheating even when we're married, because she was the real reason why we're pretending as a couple.