126
JESSE
I may or may not have camped out on the couch watching
Jeopardy all day instead of work. I didn’t even like the show, probably because I was terrible at trivia games. I watched regardless because it reminded me of her. It never ceased to amaze me what weird and obscure facts she could pull out of the top of her head. Watching made it feel like she was still here.
I must have dozed off at some point because I awoke with a start at the sound of the elevator door sliding open. At first, I thought it was an intruder. Instead, it was Wally.
I sprang out of my seat. “Wally? What are you- I mean, I’m glad to see you. I need to talk to you about-”
Wally brushed right past me and headed toward his room. “I have nothing to say to you.”
I followed, determined to get him to listen. “That’s fine.
You don’t have to say anything, but please listen.”
“No. I’m only here to get my things. Save your breath.”
He slammed his door and nearly clipped off my nose. I pressed on. “I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry, alright? Vivian and me… I didn’t plan on anything happening. It just sort of did.”
All I could hear inside his room was shuffling and rummaging through drawers. I spoke a little louder to make sure I got through.
“I care about her, Wally. A lot. And fuck! I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I haven’t felt this way about
anyone in a long time. Vivian’s… special.” “I’m not listening,” my son shouted.
“I didn’t want you to find out the way you did. I swear, it was never my intention to hurt you.”
He yanked the door open furiously. “Hurt me? Do you have any idea how screwed up this all is? What the fuck did you think was going to happen, Dad? Were you going to sit me down at a family dinner and let me know that you’ve been screwing my ex behind my back and expect me to be okay with that?”
“No, that’s not-”
“Vivian’s still my friend, alright? I brought her to you because I thought she’d be safe.”
“You make me sound like a fucking predator.”
“I mean, she is half your age.”
“Don’t you fucking go there,” I hissed. “This was something that we both wanted. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her, alright? But I did and I don’t regret it. I want to keep her safe just as much as you do, so don’t-”
“You’re in love with her?” The question was deafening.
The words fell out of my mouth before I had a chance to think, but they rang true. I was in love with Vivian. I loved her more than I ever thought possible.
I nodded slowly. “I love her.”
Wally pressed his lips into a thin line. “And does she love you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where is she?”
“I sent her away. She’s at a different location with another bodyguard.”
“Why?”
“Because when we saw how upset you were, we decided we weren’t going to work.”
My son shifted his weight from foot to foot, anxiously crossing his arms over his chest. “You sent her away because of me?”
“She didn’t want to get in the way of family. And I wasn’t going to risk losing you, so…” I rubbed a hand over my face. I was weary to the bone. “So I sent her away. Because you’re the most important person in my life, Wally. I know I haven’t done a very good job of making that known, but you are. You’re my son. And if my being with Vivian makes you
that upset, then I won’t see her anymore.”
Wally frowned. “But you love her.”
“Yes. But I love you, too.”
My son stood there for a long time, studying me from head to toe. He searched my face for something. A crack in my resolve, perhaps. Or maybe a hint that I might be lying, which I wasn’t.
“Does she make you happy?” he asked after a while.
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “Happier than I’ve been in a very long time. And it kills me that she isn’t here. But if you never want me to see her again-”
“No, don’t…” Wally sighed heavily. “Don’t do that.” He leaned against the door frame, glaring at his shoes. “I just… I thought you were just screwing around. I didn’t know you loved her.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does, Dad.” He looked me in the eye, unwavering. “I reacted the way I did because…it was a shock, alright? I thought maybe you were mad at me about the whole culinary school thing, and I thought you were
trying to get back at me by sleeping with Vivian.”
“I would never do something like that, Wally.”
“I know, I know. It sounds stupid in hindsight. It’s just what I was thinking.”
“What are you saying, son?”
“If Vivlly ou happy and you do love her, I don’t want you to not see her for my sake. I mean, it still kind of weirds me out. Weirds me out.”
“Okay,” I said quickly, cutting him off. “I get it.”
Wally shook his head. “I’ve never heard you talk about anyone like the way you do Vivian. Not even Mom. I can see now how much you care. It’s… I’m just going to need some time to get used to it, I guess.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I mean it, Wally. Thank you.”
He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I’m still moving out.”
“Oh. I see.” I took a deep breath. “Well, I’m… I’m proud of you. It’s a big change.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “I figured it was about time. Spread my wings, or whatever the cliched saying is.”
“If you need anything, please let me know. If you need help with the move, I can always outsource my guys at the firm.”
Wally chuckled lightly. “I might take you up on that.”
I swallowed. “Listen, about culinary school-”
“We don’t have to talk about it.”
“No, I think we should. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. If it means that much to you, then I’ll support your decision.”
A smile crept onto his lips. “Seriously? What about medical school?”
“Something to fall back on, if need be, but I doubt you’ll need to.” I smiled at my son. “You’re a smart kid. Smarter than I give you credit for.”
“Gee, thanks,” he replied dryly.
“What I mean is you’ll land on your feet. No matter what you end up doing with your life, I know you’ll give it your all. I know you’ll make me proud-”
Wally lunged toward me, throwing his arms around me to pull me into a tight hug. I laughed softly, patting him on the back. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d hugged like that.
“Fuck, when did you get so tall?” I muttered, ruffling his hair.
“I’ve always been this tall. Maybe you’re shrinking in your old age.”
“Watch it, kid.”
When he let go, he took a step back and said, “Thanks, Dad. I promise to work hard. This isn’t some throwaway thing. I want to be a chef.”
I nodded. “I know. You’ll do great. You have my blessing, not that you need it. I’m sure you would have gone regardless of my opinion.”
“True, but it means a lot.”
“Do you still have those pamphlets? I’d love to take a look. Unless you’ve already got a school in mind?”
“I’ve still got them. My heart’s kind of set on this school in London.”
“England?”
“Ontario, Canada.”
“Ah. When do you think you’ll go?”
“Not until the next school year, I think. I’ve only got a few more months here. I might as well finish my undergrad.”
I nodded. “Very sensible. I approve.”
Wally rolled his eyes. “Listen, I haven’t eaten yet today. I know you don’t do junk food, but there’s this artisanal pizza place that I’ve been dying to try. Feel like grabbing a bite with me before I have to pack?”
I patted him on the shoulder. “You know what? Sure. Sounds good. Let me just grab my coat. Now, what exactly makes a pizza artisanal?”
“Oh, gosh. Several things. How it’s made, the types of ingredients…”
“Sounds like a ploy to charge customers more.”
“Also that.”
We started toward the elevator when my phone started to ring. I was tempted to ignore it and spend some quality time with my son. Our relationship was far from fully repaired, but this was a step in the right direction. We could heal from this. Learn from it. Maybe start to see things eye to eye.
I answered anyway, only because I noticed Lance’s caller ID pop up on the screen. He wasn’t due to make his check-in call for another hour, and he was never one to call just for the hell of making conversation. Something must have happened.
I answered quickly, concern rising into my throat. “Talk to me.”
“-slipped me somethin’,” Lance said, words slurred.
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“Oh, fuck,” he blurted. “What the fuck did she give me?”
“Do you mean Vivian? What happened? Is she okay?”
“She’s… gone, Jesse. I, um, can’t find her anywhere.”
“What do mean she’s gone?”
“She, uh, made me some tea,” he mumbled. “Next thing I know I’m wakin’ up on the floor and-”
“I’ll be right there,” I said, hanging up. I looked at Wally and said, “I’m sorry, but I have to go. Can I get a rain check on that pizza?”
“Sure, I understand. Need me to come with?”
“No, I think it’s better if you stay here. I’ll take care of her, don’t worry.”
“Be careful, Dad.”
I nodded. He didn’t have to tell me twice.