Chapter 20
Celine’s POV
If I were to consider Bryan’s harsh behavior towards me, I would never feel any sort of sympathy towards him. He makes me feel like trash.
He makes me feel like I am not wanted and my presence is not needed. If I had the power to decline this offer of being our son’s nanny, I would have declined the offer just to spite him but I have no choice. I am the one in dire need, not him.
I cried so hard after Camilla told me everything about Bryan and his first love. I was trying to relate everything together, I was trying to justify all of his actions towards me and I was also trying to understand him and his silence.
I never knew he had been through so much. I thought he was ruthless because he wanted to but tonight, I realize he is this way because of the ugly realities of life.
I accepted his proposal to marry him, even when I knew he was into the Mafia but his first love didn’t want to accept that part of him.
What makes us different is that I was in need and I wouldn’t mind if he was an Assassin as long as my goals were achieved but that woman was trying to change his life for the future.
Even though our marriage was fake, I know I would have done the same thing too if I was in her shoes.
I understand her fears because of how I felt when I left Bryan with a child in my womb, because of how I felt when he came back to take my child away.
I completely understand Helena’s fear because I also feel the same way. I know what it feels to lose someone you love so dearly.
I ran away because I was already in love with my child and I didn’t want to lose him. I had only one person to protect, Jason but Helena had three people to protect.
She had Bryan and his daughter as well as their unborn baby to protect. She knew what she was doing but the understanding wasn’t there.
Camilla left my room after making sure I dried my tears, saying the boss would soon be home and she needed to prepare his meal.
I nodded at her and sat still even after she left. I sat on the sofa for a very long time, pondering over everything and asking numerous questions which I had no answers.
I couldn’t provide any answers to the several whys popping up in my mind.
Some things are best left unraveled. Life is indeed a mystery.
I braced myself up and walked slowly to the bathroom to take a shower so I could go to bed. The hot bath relieved me of my stress and frustration and I felt better when I came out.
I was trying to look for my nightwear, bending over my small bag when the door opened without a knock of notice and Bryan came in.
I was beyond shocked and I tried to cover myself up as much as I could. His looks were cold and he didn’t look bothered by my uncomfortable situation.
I sigh, telling myself not to be angry by any of his actions henceforth. This is what life had shaped Bryan to be and it would take great patience and a good companion for him to go back to his normal self. Camilla told me he was cheerful before the incident.
I don’t want to be hurt by the thought of having to sleep on the sofa and not being able to sleep beside my son. I am his mother and I have every right to be angry.
I am not just a nanny but also his mother but I won’t be angry. He is doing all of this on purpose.
I dare not go against his wishes. He might come to check later in the middle of the night to see if I am doing as he ordered or not. If I defy him, he will throw me out and I don’t want that.
I get my comforter out of my bag after putting on my nightwear, then I move to the sofa and lay on it, facing Jason with my two hands underneath my chin and head placed on the edge of the sofa.
Jason had not stirred since the other time. I keep watching him till sleep eludes me.
****
Bryan’s POV
For days turning into months, Helena’s death felt like a nightmare that I was going to wake up from someday but the nightmare never ended.
Instead, it continued getting me used to her absence with a sense of loss.
Even when I saw her eyes close in death, it was still unbelievable that the woman I love, the woman I was hoping to spend forever with, the woman who slapped me that same night was gone.
I was praying for Helena never to know of my secret affair with Emily. But when she died, I blame myself for being unfaithful, then I decided to become celibate.
It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t mean to cheat, it was meant to be a nightstand. That was what Emily requested as compensation for rejecting her.
I wanted her to tell my parents that the feelings were mutual, I didn’t want to be the only one to go against our parent’s wishes so we met and spoke.
She was hurt but she gave in anyway, after outlining her attached condition. I saw nothing wrong in the one-night stand and we had sex. But Emily came back for more when Helena was away in California to visit her brother.
After the second time, I realize I was being unfaithful and decided to end things with Emily. It was a hard thing to do because I was scared she was going to blackmail me but she didn’t and I appreciate her for that.
I was praying so hard for Helena never to find out. I never knew she wouldn’t find out if she was dead. I blamed myself for everything. I felt I was paying for the sins of my unfaithfulness by losing the woman I loved.
I wanted a second chance and I believed a second chance would happen and Helena would come back to life but nothing happened.Text content © NôvelDrama.Org.
The person who came back was Emily and my parent’s pressure for me to be married once again. I knew they wanted me and Emily to be together again since Helena was no longer in the picture but I didn’t want it.
Emily was someone I could easily fall in love with but I didn’t want to because of my guilt, so I devised a method and asked Celine to be my wife.
My father wanted me to be married for business reasons while my mother wanted me to be married so I would bear her grandchildren.
Father wasn’t satisfied when I married Celine but mother was, with the hope that Celine would become pregnant. I was celibate. Sex wasn’t part of the plan. I had no idea how Celine and I ended up in bed, after getting drunk.
My hatred for her increased. She could have stopped me but she didn’t. She made me break my vow of not having sex with any woman again and my resolve not to feel anything for any woman apart from my Helena. Celine could have stopped me but she didn’t.
I glance out of the window of the car watching the gleaming morning light of the street of New York as Kelvin drives me to work. I have a lot going on in my head and this is the least expected period that I want to be reminded of Helena.
Her absence doesn’t motivate me, instead, it dampens my spirit, making me unproductive. As much as I want to forget all about the past, my conscience wouldn’t let me. I feel I need to hold on to them so I can get Helena’s forgiveness.
My phone rings, jolting me back to life. Emily is the one calling and I take a deep breath, remembering her promise to visit me in the mansion.
What the hell does she want now? It is just 6 am and she is calling me.
After much determination, I pick the call.
“Hi”, her high-pitched voice booms into my ears.
“Good morning, Emily”, I say softly.
“Good morning”, she replies. “I am so sorry for not coming over yesterday. Something unexpected came up and I had to stay back at home.”
“It’s fine”, I mutter.
“Thank you for understanding. Can we meet tonight? We can probably go out to have fun”, she asks me.
I am tempted to ask her if there is something attached to all of these sudden attention, calls, and demands for fun. I don’t know if it’s the guilt still eating me up or something else but I always find it hard to say no to Emily.
“Bryan, are you there?” She demands with a low tone.
“Yes”, I respond in the same tone. I can’t remember the last time I went out to have fun.
“What do you say, Bryan? Please don’t say no”, she pleads.
I look out of the window once again as the car comes to a halt. I gulp down loudly and ask.
“Where are we meeting?”