In Love With My Boyfriend’s Brother

” Sky, I need you to know that… I hate John Mayer.” I start out laughing already. But I keep reading. “I hate John Mayer.” ”I hate it so much that I’ve been listening to this guy for several nights.” “It all started one night after I came home, sat in the living room watching TV with you and Matt, and after you guys went to his room, I went to my room too and decided I wasn’t going to listen to your moaning on the other side of the wall.” ”So I grabbed my cell phone and set it to play music in random mode.” ”And as soon as it started, I said, “What the fuck is that?” ”And I saw it in my playlist: Real Music.” ”And only then did I realize that Tracy had picked up my phone the other day and said she was going to play some cool songs.” ”I guess she didn’t mean it.” ”So I turned down the volume and went to find another song, but then you were at that part where you moan and don’t care if there is anyone else in another room in the house. Or somewhere on earth.” ”Then I concluded that anything in the world would be better than listening to someone, even if it was my brother, pleasuring you in my place.” ”So I listened to that song again every time I was at home and you went into the room with him, and I started to like this fucking song.” ”Because the lyrics have everything I want to say to you.” ”But I can’t run away from the point of writing you this letter. Well, first, I’m only doing this because I’ve never had access to your phone number and second, even if I had, it would be weird to write all this down and send it to you by message.” ”I just wanted you to know that this was not in my plans.” ”None of this was in my plans.” ”I only planned to come to New York to live with my older brother and with only one purpose: not to fall in love with anyone for a long time. I just wanted to get to know other places, new people, women…” ”But on the first day what happened?” ”You!” ”And I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” ”That was it! My biggest promise I couldn’t keep, I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.” ”I fell madly in love with you the moment I saw you. It was horrible to hide it until I realized that you felt something for me. The problem was that it was just something physical and I wanted more. But I had to pretend that that was enough.” ”But when I kissed you… well, nothing made sense anymore. The only thing I wanted was to kiss you more and more and have you for myself, only for myself.” ”I know I fucked up.” ”Falling in love with my brother’s girlfriend was big shit, but also having you even so little, was the best thing that ever happened to me.” ”Love you Sky.” ”Ps: I got your bra.” ”Ps2: And I don’t regret it.” Author’s note:

“The name of the song is: XO is a Beyoncé song that John Mayer did a version of.” It inspired me to write this story.

When I first posted this book I asked readers to use hashtags on the video of this song on YouTube haha maybe you’ll see them there. Am I crying? Sure! If I looked up the song and listened to it while rereading the letter several times? Come on! If I dialed his number and am staring at the cell phone screen without having the courage to call? Well, of course! But I don’t know what to say. He wrote all this before he came to me and I asked him, actually ordered him, to leave, in other words, to get out of my life. I was such an idiot. By having contact with this letter, with a part of Yan, I feel him closer to me and I have no idea how I managed to survive these days without him. Everything has always been him, about him. I just didn’t realize it in time. But I think I know how to fix it. … 1 week later… I kept dialing his number every night, even though I had my number hidden, one such night he answered. And when he said hello and I heard his voice ( I didn’t answer, just hung up, started to cry, cowardly I know) I realized that I couldn’t breathe normally again, if I didn’t have him by my side. Now I am on this plane bound for Canada, Toronto to be exact. Letter in hand, address, and phone number. I’m not going to call, I want to surprise him. It wasn’t hard to get fifteen days vacation from work, I had been saving this for a long time for an emergency, or in case I was too stressed from work. And college, well, there was only this week left to close the semester. So, I have it all figured out, and even though it sounds crazy and I am acting without thinking, I have it all planned out. I just don’t know what his reaction will be. … I arrive in Toronto around three in the afternoon. I take a cab and go to the hotel that I had booked. I like what I see behind the car window. It is a beautiful city, not as full of lights and attractions as New York, but still very beautiful. I get to my room and immediately take a shower. I am tired, but I don’t want to sleep because I feel exhilarated to be breathing the same air as him. I call Katie as soon as I get out of the shower. She asks me: ”And have you talked to him yet? ”Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

I answer: ”Not yet, but I think I’ll just change and go to the address Max gave me.” She laughs. She is as excited as I am. She thought the whole thing was crazy and that’s why she supported me. Katie is a crazy person. ”Sky, please keep me informed.” I end up laughing at her as usual and say: ”Of course, bye.”