Mafia Desire (Erotica)

Part Five.

I sat on the bench outside of the hospital for a long while. I don’t know if I was feeling shock, exhaustion, or just complete emotional devastation. Maybe I hurt so badly inside that my body shut down all feeling in response. I’m not sure. All I know is that I simply felt hollow. Hollow and numb.

It could have been all the goddamned painkillers they had given me for all I knew.

Finally, I made myself get up and start walking, although I wasn’t sure where I was going yet. I walked about twenty yards, into the park that was next door to the hospital, and fell to my knees at the base of a large tree. I suddenly broke out in a silent sob, ignoring the searing pain coming from the center of my face. There were no tears. I felt like my chest was caving in on nothing at all and I had trouble breathing. I briefly wondered if this was what a heart attack felt like, but felt no numbness in my arm. I had only heard about the numbness thing, and had no idea if it was accurate for diagnosing heart attacks. I later suspected that this might have been a panic attack.

I must have been a sight as I walked through the park. Some guy with his face all bruised up from the broken nose, meandering aimlessly across a public park in a blood stained shirt. I noticed more than one person staring at me, not that I cared. I let out a dry, humorless chuckle when I reflected on the coincidence that I had left Amy’s last boyfriend looking very much like I did now. Amy. I wanted to find Amy so badly. But they hadn’t thrown her out. She still had somewhere to live. Maybe I should stay away for a while and give our father time to cool down. I didn’t want to make it worse for her.

By the time dusk had arrived, I returned to my car and drove a while, finding myself standing in front of Dr. Miller’s studio. I didn’t know where else to go. If I went to one of my friends, I’d have to explain what had taken place. That was not something I could handle right now, and I had at least enough clarity to know that much. John may have let it go for a little while, but eventually he’d make it his life’s work to get the story out of me. Meg? Hell, no. That would cause more trouble than it would solve. I let myself in the studio and sat gingerly onto the sofa in the back of the room. The doctor had told me my cracked ribs would hurt for weeks. Slouching on the sofa was out. Instead, I leaned back against an armrest carefully avoiding putting pressure on my kidney. I was under strict instruction to return to the hospital if I saw blood in my urine and to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on my left kidney where I had been kicked. Out of sheer exhaustion, I slipped into the fitful sleep of those who know, without question, that they will never be the same again.

When I woke up, I saw Dr. Miller sitting at one of the tables with a cup of coffee. He heard me stirring, and turned his head toward me.

“What the hell happened to you, Adam?”

I hadn’t thought this far ahead, and didn’t know what to say. I looked down at the hospital bracelet still on my wrist.

“I was in an accident. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“You couldn’t go home?” He poured a second cup of coffee and slid it over to me.

“I… can’t go home.” I felt the brace on my nose shift as my face struggled to stay composed. “I don’t have one anymore, I guess.”

“I see.” He sighed, and looked at me sternly. “Are you in some kind of serious trouble? Legally, I mean.”

“I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “Not drugs or anything like that, if that’s what you are asking.”

“What kind of trouble are you in, then?” He looked down at the coffee in front of me and back at me.

“The kind that makes me it were something as simple as a drug problem by comparison.” I mumbled as I picked up the cup and took a sip. The brace kept shifting on my nose and was just too irritating. I pulled it off and dropped it on the table.

He smirked a little at that. “Good. You still have a bit of wise ass in you, at least.”

“Dr. Miller, I don’t know what to do. I feel like everything in my life has been ripped away from me.” I surprised myself at how it felt to say that out loud. I sounded like a whining asshole. “And now I sound melodramatic. Crap.”

“Call me Jeff, Adam. This isn’t about school right now, and we’re friends, wouldn’t you agree? When we aren’t on campus, you don’t need to call me Dr. Miller.”

“Okay.”

“So tell me what’s going on, then. Be honest.”

“I’m not sure I should tell you. I suppose there are some legal sides to it, but that’s really really minor in the grand scheme. It’s heavy stuff. You will probably want to throw me out of here if I tell you and I really don’t want that.”

“Try me. You may be surprised.” Dr. Miller took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Fuck it. I needed to tell someone, I guess. “I fell in love with someone I shouldn’t have. She’s completely amazing. But the consequences of being with her have caught up with me.”

I motioned to my face and lifted my shirt so that he could see the large discolored bruises along my rib cage. You could actually make out a shoe print in one of them.

“My father did this to me. I haven’t seen him since then. I probably deserved it. I’ve been disowned and I don’t know where my sister is. I love her. We’ve been sleeping together for quite some time. We overslept night before last and were caught. Fucking stupid mistake to make.”

Silence.

“Yeah, I know. I’m fucked up in the head.”

“I didn’t say that.” Dr. Miller replied. “How long was this going on before your father found out?”

“Almost a year, I guess. Maybe longer.”

“Hmm… Okay.” He slapped his hand on the table. “Becky, my wife, is on her way up here with some food. I called her when I found you asleep in here. We need to get you fed and cleaned up. But here is what I am thinking.”

He paused to drink “I’ll get her to stop by the house this afternoon and grab some blankets and a couple of pillows for you. You can stay here in the studio for a while. Until you get your feet under you, at least. There’s a fridge, a stove, the bathroom. It’s not really meant to be lived in, but it will do for now.”

“Thanks, Jeff. This means a lot.” I replied with genuine gratitude. I looked around the place a moment. I could make do.

“Do you think your family will allow me to go to your house and get some more of your things?”

“I have no idea. I don’t know what will happen with them anymore. But, I have to talk to Amy.”

“I highly doubt that will be a possibility right now.” Dr. Miller gave me a look. “Besides, you are in no condition to talk to her anyway. You need to get your head together first. And, to be honest, you’d probably scare her to death if she saw what you look like right now.”

I hung my head in resignation. He was probably right.

Dr. Miller refilled his coffee and leaned against the counter, looking me over.

“You aren’t the first person to find themselves in this predicament, and you won’t be the last. You’ll get through it, and you’ll find yourself a stronger person. I don’t expect you’ll believe that, though.”

I definitely didn’t feel very strong at the moment, and I wasn’t very sure about getting through it, either. I nodded at him anyway, wishing it didn’t hurt to breathe.

* * *

“This key is for a storage locker on Oak Avenue. The remainder of your possessions are stored there. Your father was going to throw it all out, but I persuaded him otherwise.

It would be foolish of me to think that your father and I could keep you two from contacting each other in some way. We both know that just isn’t possible. But I beg you to take some time and consider just how much damage your reckless, irresponsible behavior has caused. We are both devastated by the selfish, vile choices you two have made. But we are the only ones who have knowledge of it. This could easily ruin both of your lives if people found out, and has already changed the two of you irreparably. Your relationship with each other and with us will never be the same again. Had your father chosen to go to the police, you would be in jail right now. I don’t even want to think of the years of psychiatric counseling that you are both desperately in need of.Material © of NôvelDrama.Org.

Deep down in your heart, you surely can see this. You are too smart of a person to not be able to see it.

I am begging you to be the stronger, responsible older brother that I know you can be, Adam. If you truly love her as much as you say that you do, please stay away from her. Give her a chance to heal and move on with her life. I know that you are both hurting right now. But you still have a chance to lead fulfilling lives, have careers, meet other people, eventually raise families of your own. Maybe, somewhere down the line, things will work out where you will be able to mend some of the fences with your father.

I sincerely hope that you heal and find happiness. I hope and pray that you take my words to heart. Do the right thing, Adam.”

I read the words on the page several times before dropping the letter on the desk. Dr. Miller looked me over as he set down another box of art supplies.

“I assume that wasn’t a letter filled with forgiveness and begging you to come home?” He asked dryly.

“Nope. That was pretty much the exact opposite of what it was.” I sighed bitterly, before getting to my feet and going to help him unload the rest of the supplies from his car.

He had contacted my mother and she’d asked him to deliver the letter and key to me. She told him that my father had taken a vacation from work and was currently taking Amy to visit some of his relatives in New York. I knew, in an vague way, that our father had a brother in New York and some other relatives, but I had never met any of them. Clearly, they were determined to put as much space between us as possible.

As much as I wanted to see Amy, I didn’t have the slightest idea how to find them in New York. Maybe once they got back, I could sneak over while our parents were at work. But my mother’s words nagged at my mind as I gingerly stacked canvases in the corner of the room. I wasn’t sure what to do.