Mine for a Moment

I sigh as I lift my towel to my hair absent-mindedly, feeling entirely numb. Each day seems worse than the last, and I’m just not sure I know how to be happy without Serenity. I don’t think I ever really was before her. I never felt as alive as I did with her, and now that she’s gone, I’m once again just going through the same old motions, day in and day out.

I startle when my bedroom door opens and turn to find Tyra walking in. “Sorry. I should’ve knocked,” she says, her gaze roaming over my half-naked body. She pauses halfway through as her eyes zero in on the tattoo on my chest.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“It’s fine,” I tell her, forcing a smile. It took a couple of weeks, but I was eventually able to move back into my own bedroom while she stayed in my guest room. I still wake up and join her at night when she needs me, but she’s starting to stand on her own two feet now. She never even questioned it when I started to move to my own bed once she’d fallen asleep, and I’m glad she hasn’t. I’m not sure what I’d say, how I’d even begin to explain.

Tyra pauses in front of me, her eyes roaming over the painting I had tattooed on my chest, reminding me of one of the best days of my life every time I look into the mirror. It’s the same scene Serenity once painted on me—the sun setting over a field filled with red tulips.

Tyra raises her hand, and I flinch when she grazes my chest with the tips of her fingers. “It’s beautiful,” she whispers. “How long have you had it?”

I step back and reach for one my shirts, my heart heavy. “A couple of weeks.”

She nods slowly and stands back as I get dressed, her expression conflicted. “You’re in love with someone else, aren’t you?”

I freeze, my gaze cutting to hers. Her voice no longer trembles when she speaks, and she’s able to hold my gaze for longer than she used to, but she’s still fragile. Nightmares still torment her, and she still has several panic attacks every day, not to mention her near inability to leave the house.

“Arch,” she says, her voice soft. “You haven’t touched me in any way that could be deemed anything but appropriate, and you distance yourself from me every chance you get. You may not have said it, but your body language did. I thought that if I ignored it, maybe it’d go away and with time you’d warm up to me…but then you started sleeping in your own bed again and I knew I didn’t stand a chance.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, unable to refute her words. “I can’t be with you that way, Tyra. But I’ll be there for you as best as I can, for as long as you need me. You’ll always be important to me, Ty, but I…I can’t be more than a friend to you.”

“Who is she?” she asks, her voice breaking. Tears start to gather in her eyes, and I look down, my chest aching. The thought of me loving someone else clearly hurts her, but the pain she feels now would be nothing compared to what it’d do to her to find out it’s Serenity. I’ve watched the two of them grow closer, and I know Tyra wouldn’t be able to take it.

“It doesn’t matter, Ty. The woman I’m in love with is someone I can’t ever have, but even so, I don’t want to be with anyone else, not ever again. She is it for me. I’ve…I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”

She looks up, a lone tear running down her cheek. “Does she give you what I never could? Does she make you laugh, Arch? Does she make you happy?”

I look into her eyes, forcing myself to face her. “She did,” I whisper, pure longing threatening to overwhelm me.

She looks at me with that same expression Serenity had on her face when she ended things with me, heartbreak mixed with resignation. “I’ve tried so hard to exist in this safe little bubble you created for me, never realizing that you were suffocating in it. Or maybe I did realize, and I just didn’t want to acknowledge it for fear of what it’d mean, but that’s not the kind of person I want to be, Arch.”

“Tyra,” I murmur, taking her hand. “I see you fighting every single day, and you’re easily the bravest person I’ve ever met. I didn’t tell you this to make you feel guilty for relying on me. Being there for you was a choice she and I made together, and it’s not one I regret.” I gently catch one of her tears with my thumb, my heart aching for her. “Day after day, I watch you take little steps forward, slowly regaining your independence, no matter how hard you have to fight for it. I’m honored to be holding your hand on your journey to recovery, Tyra.” Even if it hurts. Even if it cost me everything.

“I’ve already gotten a bit more used to leaving the house, but please give me a little longer,” she pleads, her voice breaking. Her panic attacks mean she can’t drive, but in the last couple of weeks, she’s gone out a handful of times without me, taking my security team with her instead. We’ve both actively been trying to ensure she learns to stand on her own two feet again, instead of becoming overly reliant on me. She’s fighting as hard as she can, never asking for more than she truly needs. “Let me lean on you a little longer, Archer. I can’t…I can’t let you go yet.”

I nod and pull her closer, hugging her tightly as she bursts into tears. “I’m here,” I promise her, ignoring the numbness that I can’t cast away. “I’ll always be there for you.”