Once, my paranoid love

“I adore him. I’ll always love him,” Elena said.

Ethan said nothing.

“He promised me that he would always be there for me,” Elena continued, her voice filled with both longing and gratitude.

“I know he’s with me.” She paused, her eyes momentarily clouding with emotions.

“He’ll never….” Elena trailed off, catching herself as she noticed Ethan’s gaze shifting.

“He loves me madly,” Elena declared, her gaze fixed on Ethan.

“It’s just I had never able to express my love in right way.”

Ethan quickly shifted his gaze to the other side, a subtle attempt to conceal the tears that threatened to surface.

He felt the weight of Elena’s words, the love she held for Paul, and the intricate dance of emotions between the past and the present.

“Thank you, Mr. Ethan,” Elena remarked, smiling through the mist of emotions.

Without glancing at her, Ethan nodded.

Ethan’s point of view.

I’m not ready to look at you. I don’t want you to see me cry. Elena, you were both my power and vulnerability. I don’t have anything more to ask of you because you’ve already given me the biggest gift of all, our daughter.

In the first place, you recognized me. And I had a feeling you would. I knew you loved me so much that you tried to hate me for my deeds, but you couldn’t. Take a look at what you’ve done to yourself in the last few years.

I’m Paul, Elena.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

I’m your Paul.

I just wanted to shout that I’m your Paul. But I can’t because I believe I have to punish myself even more. I kept an eye on you and my kid every day, darling. You have given me the greatest gift I have ever received.

Seeing you from a distance, the pain in your eyes, the tears you shed, and the smiles you forced-it tore me apart. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a warm embrace. I wish I could pause time right now. I wish I could stop you from leaving. I believed I had to endure this separation, just as I endured my own mistakes.

Our daughter, Paulina, she’s the manifestation of our love.

She’s the bridge between us, and I thank you for allowing her to be that bridge.

I yearned for your happiness, even if it meant I couldn’t be the one to give it to you. The weight of my actions kept me from embracing you, from being the man you once knew.

I’ll keep my promise, my love. I’ll watch over you both, unseen but present. I’ll be the wind that rustles through your hair and the warmth that caresses your face.

As I stood there, barely holding back my tears, Elena’s voice pierced through my thoughts.

“Will you come meet us, Mr. Ethan?” The question hung in the air, and for a moment, I couldn’t bring myself to respond.

I nodded but avoided looking into her eyes. If our gazes locked, I feared I might crumble. The weight of the past, the intensity of our shared history, it threatened to overwhelm me.

**

Elena couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling as she observed Ethan. His demeanor, the subtle signs of distress, tugged at her heartstrings. She hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether to offer comfort or respect his need for solitude.

“Mr. Ethan,” she finally spoke, her voice soft.

No response.

He seemed lost in a world of his own, and Elena felt an unfamiliar ache in her chest. Something was amiss, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“I’m not sure what’s ripping my heart apart,” Elena thought, her concern growing.

Taking a deep breath, Elena closed her eyes, attempting to collect her thoughts. Unintentionally, she found herself doing something unexpected. Driven by an instinct she couldn’t resist, she reached out to him, enveloping him in an embrace.

“Thank you for everything, Mr. Ethan,” she whispered, her voice laden with genuine gratitude.

It was a spontaneous act, driven by empathy and an unspoken connection she felt with him. Tears welled up in her eyes, tracing down her cheeks.

“Why does my heart insist on seeing you as Paul, Ethan? Am I making a mistake by clinging to a semblance of the past?”

Ethan’s point of view

Elena’s sudden embrace caught me off guard, and for a moment, I stood there, unsure of how to respond. The unexpected warmth of her touch stirred emotions that had long been buried and my hands trembled with a mixture of excitement and hesitation.

In that fleeting moment, time seemed to stand still. A surge of emotions washed over me as I felt her familiar presence pressed against my chest. It had been too long since I experienced the comforting warmth of her embrace.

As Elena held onto me, my mind raced with conflicting thoughts. I wished, in that instant, that I could freeze time-suspend the world around us and relish the feeling of her in my arms. The desire to hold her, to bridge the distance that life had placed between us, overwhelmed my senses.

A silent plea echoed in my mind.

“Please, God, pause this moment for a bit.”

I yearned to extend this stolen moment, to savor the intimacy that had become a distant memory. Elena, I thought, I want to hold you close, to erase the years that kept us apart.

With closed eyes, I surrendered to the flood of emotions.

Finally, unable to resist any longer, I reciprocated the embrace. My arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer as if to make up for the years of separation. In the quiet recesses of my mind, the words echoed, “Elena, I love you.”

I yearned for the chance to turn back the clock, to rewrite the chapters of our shared history.

Elena’s point of view

As Ethan’s arms enveloped me, a solitary droplet found its way onto my shoulder.

Was he truly shedding tears?

The vulnerability he displayed, even for a brief moment, left me wondering about the depth of emotions he harbored.

Before I could voice my questions, Ethan withdrew from the embrace, averting his gaze.

“Mr. Ethan,” I called out, but Derek interjected with a gentle reminder of our imminent departure.

“Elena!”

I turned to Derek, acknowledging him with a nod.

My attempt to bid a proper farewell was halted as I turned back to Ethan, only to find him already walking away, retreating into the shadows of solitude. He left without uttering a single word, leaving behind a silence pregnant with unspoken sentiments.

“Ethan,” I started, my voice trailing off, but he was gone.

A quiet acknowledgment of his absence settled over me. In that moment, I lowered my head, grateful for the connection we shared, if only for a fleeting instance.

“Thank you very much, Ethan,” I whispered, my words carried away by the breeze.

As I wiped away the traces of tears, a lingering wish surfaced within me-a yearning for Paul to have possessed the same kindness and understanding that Ethan had.

If only circumstances had been different, perhaps I wouldn’t have found myself bound in marriage to Derek.

“Honey, are you done?” he inquired, his concern evident. I nodded, offering a smile to reassure him.

“Yes,” I affirmed, ready to continue our journey. “Come, get in the car,” Derek suggested, and I complied, settling into the vehicle.

However, before we drove away, I cast one final glance out of the window. Through the glass, I tried to see Ethan, but he was nowhere.

Ethan’s point of view

I hurriedly made my way out of that emotional encounter, seeking refuge in the solitude of my room. Once inside, my eyes were drawn to the picture adorning the wall-a cherished image of my beloved Elena and our precious baby. A pang of regret and longing gripped my heart as I murmured, “I didn’t have the courage to look at you, love, or else I wouldn’t be able to let you go.”

Approaching the window, I stood there, my gaze fixed on the departing figures of Elena and Derek.

**

“Wait a minute, sweetie, I forgot something,” Derek said.

Elena nodded in acknowledgment, holding Paulina in her lap. The excitement in Paulina’s voice filled the air as she said, “Da-dy, come fa-st.”

“I will, love,” Derek assured them both.

“Yes, Elena, I was looking forward to seeing you. Now you’re filled with everything I’ve got,” I confessed. As my words lingered in the air, a voice interrupted, “Have you finished seeing them?”

I sighed, recognizing the voice instantly.

There he was, Derek.

“No,” I replied, my eyes still fixed on Elena and Paulina, oblivious to our conversation.

“I’ll never be able to get enough of them. No one can take my gaze away from them,” I added, feeling Derek’s intense stare. His eyes narrowed, sensing an underlying tension.

I confronted him, “What brings you here now?”

I raised an eyebrow, acknowledging his inquiry.

“How come you didn’t kill me that night?” he questioned, a smirk playing on his lips.