[40] b
I’m nervous. Very nervous. Well, of course! It’s my first time visiting a guy’s parents’ house! To formally introduce ourselves. And I know it’s because of, well… one of my mistakes. But I can’t back out now, can I? Not because it’s too late or anything, but because it needs to be done soon.
It’s not right to give in to selfishness, especially pretending to be brave and taking on the challenge of raising a child alone. The problem isn’t about money or anything; it’s about love and affection. Naomi was right, it deeply affects me when it comes to the meaning of love. I was born out of love but neglected due to selfishness.
I don’t want Baby to experience the same thing. It’s not their fault. It’s ours. I’ve come to realize that, and well… I feel fortunate that Cedric never let me go just like that. He didn’t give up and is determined to prove that everything can be fixed slowly. Although I know our journey ahead is long, at least there’s something that motivates me.
Baby.
If his parents question our relationship, I’ll prepare myself mentally. Cedric never brought up this issue, though. He’s actually really happy that I’m finally willing to meet his mother. He often shows that excitement in front of me. He said his mother can’t wait to meet me and wants to touch my belly. If I hear that, at least I won’t be greeted with scornful looks, right?
I hope not.
I check the clock in the living room; it’s already eight in the morning. In the message, Cedric said he’s on his way to pick me up. Last night, when I expressed my sudden doubts that made my stomach ache, he just laughed.
“My mother isn’t as scary as you imagine, Joice.”
I pouted when he said that.
“Your mind seems to be all mixed up. You need to separate the positive from the negative. There’s too much negative. Try to reduce the negative and increase the positive.”
My lips pout even more.
“Don’t be afraid. I won’t leave you.”
I look up to reassure myself that there are no lies in his jet-black eyes. At that time, Cedric was already preparing to leave, but I held him back. Once again, I expressed my fear and was rewarded with a long, tight hug.
“If your mother agrees, what about your father? Your sister?”
Again, Cedric smiles. He straightens my slightly messy hair. “No, tomorrow you’ll see for yourself how they are. I won’t be far from you. I’ll probably get the harshest scolding over all this.”
I pout again. I realize that… this isn’t entirely Cedric’s fault. So I feel embarrassed for no reason.
“Don’t give me that look, Joice.”
Huh? I blink slowly. What’s wrong with me? I haven’t done anything; I’m just returning his hug. Wrong? I wait for Cedric to talk or at least tell me what he means by his words. But he just stays silent.
“Why? What’s the matter?”
I hear him sigh softly. “I’m going home now. Being close to you is truly a temptation.”
I growl. I lightly hit his shoulder and push him a bit. What nonsense! I’m not trying to be tempting! I’m wearing decent pajamas. Everything is covered properly. All buttoned up like this, why is he saying I’m tempting? Unless I put on that tight black dress, which I don’t even know where it is now, maybe then I’ll accept being called like that!
So, in this case, Cedric couldn’t control himself, right?
Seeing me irritated, he just laughs. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, okay? Don’t think too much. You need enough rest.”
I just nod. When Cedric speaks like that, I can’t argue anymore. “Be careful,” I finally say, releasing the hug around my waist.
“I miss you being grumpy,” he says.
“And yesterday you said I was sweet and adorable when I’m not grumpy. Now you want me to be grumpy. What do you really want, Cedric?”
“Balance.” He ends his words with a soft, long kiss. He says it’s a goodnight and a lullaby for me. I smile between our kisses. How could he say something like that to me? Isn’t he the one who wanted to kiss me, after all?
I twitch when I hear the apartment’s doorbell ring loudly. Maybe because I was daydreaming, that’s why I got startled like this. I prepare breakfast for Cedric. Perhaps he hasn’t eaten breakfast yet, even if it’s a simple menu. A sandwich and a cup of coffee, just like his usual, finishing my homemade coffee before going to work.
When I open the door, I can’t blink. Is this… Cedric?
“What’s wrong? You’re not letting me in, Joice?”
I move aside silently, letting Cedric enter while glancing at me occasionally. His facial expression looks confused, probably because of my strange look when I see him.
“What’s wrong?”
“You’re the strange one, Cedric.” I sit beside him at the dining table since he’s heading there. I believe the coffee cup that I think is specially prepared for him is taken directly by him, slowly.
“Me?” Cedric sips his coffee. He seems to be enjoying the taste as I see him close his eyes. “I’m not strange.”
For me, Cedric looks very strange.
I mean like this. Usually, he only wears regular t-shirts or polo shirts in dark colors. He pairs them with black jeans. Always black, never any other color, as far as I remember.
Now?
Damn! Cedric is tens of times more handsome than usual. Uh… well, usually, I find him attractive, not saying he’s handsome. According to me, Kelvin is more handsome than him.
Now?
In front of me sits a man wearing a navy blue shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His long pants are still there, but the color choice is light brown. By Naomi’s standards, I know that these two items are not random brands. Because besides fitting perfectly on Cedric’s cool body-I admit it because my index finger has proven it several times-his appearance is not much different from Kelvin, who prioritizes his fashion sense.
Even his hairstyle has changed. Usually slicked back as if he just dipped his hair in a tube of hair oil, but seriously, it doesn’t smell. Instead, I find the scent of Cedric’s hair refreshing. As for his cologne, uh… let’s not talk about it. I like it and can’t look away. Now? He just uses a bit-maybe-of hair product or something, allowing it to look messy, which makes him look even cooler.
“What’s wrong with you, Joice? It’s weird seeing you stare at me like that.”
“Are you really Cedric?”
He laughs. I even see the corners of his eyes get teary. Maybe my statement is funny to him, but it’s not funny for me. I’m not sure this man is Cedric. The Cedric I know doesn’t look like this.
Maybe seeing me unresponsive to his laughter, the laughter gradually subsides. Cedric pulls the chair next to mine closer so we can be closer.
“It’s me.”
“But it’s different,” I say.
“What’s different?”
Should I say the honesty in my heart? What if he gets a big head? But what else can I say? The reality is, Cedric looks really handsome with this style. I feel his fingers gently stroking my forehead.
“What’s really weird is you, Joice. What’s wrong? Still scared?”
I shake my head gently.
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In my heart, I pray so much that my lips don’t let slip what’s in my head.
“Come on, let’s go quickly. Don’t take too long, or your mom will wait for a long time, right?” I say quickly. This is the most effective way to keep my mind from thinking about anything other than our purpose today.
Cedric just smiles. His way of smiling, to me, is different. Very, very different. It adds thousands of times to his sweetness! Oh my goodness, heart! Don’t slip away from my grip, okay! I might die suddenly if you do!