Rush: Part One & Two (The Pitstop Series Book 3)

It’s been a while since I’ve seen my grandfather, and it’s starting to hurt how much I miss him. Aunt Carolina has no sympathy for my homesickness, so I make sure not to show it in front of her. I don’t want her to get angry with me.

“Val, I have a little surprise for you,” Adrian says while I’m on my bed, trying to study. “Come with me,” he adds, holding out his hand for me to take.

There is a serious look on his face, worrying me. It’s a surprise, so it shouldn’t be bad, but it looks like he just got the worst news of his life; his face is pale and his eyes are red.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him as he wraps his fingers around mine.

Adrian stays quiet until we reach the bottom of the stairs. Grandfather sits on the couch in the living room, and I sprint over to where he is.

“Grandpa!” I call out, my arms wrapping around his neck.

“Hi, little champion,” he says, hugging me back. “I’m sorry, this isn’t going to be a happy visit, but I’ve been dragging it out for long enough. It’s time we talked.”

I hold my breath as he guides me down onto the couch next to him.

“I don’t understand,” I say, panic flooding my chest.

Grandfather’s tired eyes fill with tears, and he lets out a heavy, shaky breath.

“I’m not going to be—” He cuts off, inhaling again to gather courage. “I’m not going to be around for much longer, Valentina. I’m going to see your Grandma soon.”

Fear strikes through me.

“No, you’re not. You’re still healthy, you’re not that old,” I say, disbelief coming through as denial.

“I have lung cancer, sweetheart. I’m dying,” he explains, but I shake my head.

“No, that can’t be. You’re not a smoker.”

I don’t know who I’m trying to reason with, his disease or him, but it’s not fair. He can’t leave me. There is so much we still have left to do. I haven’t made it into Formula One yet! He needs to see me fulfill our dream. He cannot leave me!

“Listen to me. I know this is going to be very hard for you, but I need you to promise me you’ll keep your heart. Don’t shut it off, don’t start pushing people away. Not everyone leaves, I promise.”

I shake my head again, tears pouring down my cheeks.

“You need to let me go now, my children. You have to so you can keep focusing on your careers and stay in balance in all three categories. Do you remember?”

I nod, but I don’t want to. I want to throw things, scream, break down.

“Good, remember them. Don’t let your emotions throw everything off balance. You have to let go, even if it’s the worst pain you’ve ever felt. You have to let go because this is out of our control. There is nothing we can do to change it, but you can’t let it tear you down from what’s important, okay? Don’t allow anyone to put themselves before your dream.”

He turns to me, grabbing my face to make sure I pay close attention to him.

“One day, I hope you’ll meet someone who will prioritize you and your career no matter what. That person will be the one for you. When you find them, and they show you how much they value your dream, don’t shut them out of your heart.”

I don’t know why he’s telling me any of this. I don’t care about the future if he won’t be in mine.

“There is a lot I have left to teach you, but I’m afraid I’m out of time.”

It’s been days since I’ve last seen or spoken to Gabriel. I’ve texted him a couple of times, and I have tried calling him, but he doesn’t answer. Evangelin has tried contacting me, but I’m not ready to talk to her yet. James is busy with Annabel, and Adrian is training with his performance coach.

Lorenzo Mattia has finalized everything for me, and I will officially drive for Alfa Romeo next season. He’s also told me I have to work almost every day of the three-week Formula One summer break to test drive the car. It’s going to be busy, but I’m excited to get started.

After not knowing what to do with my free time, I decide to spend the whole day taking care of myself. First, I work out, then I go for a swim in my pool before taking a shower and putting on a face mask.

I pick up Gabriel’s copy of Die For Me and continue reading from where I stopped months ago. My eyes go back to Gabriel’s annotations, and they focus on a specific one.

If I ever got her, would I have the strength to leave her?

God, I hope he doesn’t. I hope more than anything he will come back to me. Yet, with every day he doesn’t talk to me, I grow more certain he is getting strong enough to leave me. I start to panic when I think about it.

He’s going to leave me, isn’t he?

Of course he is, otherwise, he wouldn’t be avoiding me.

It’s been a while since Gabriel and I have gone more than a day without talking to each other. Not texting or calling him every day feels unnatural, just like it does when I don’t talk to Adrian or James.

My breathing hitches and I can’t stop thinking about the fact that Gabriel is going to break up with me. After such a huge revelation, he must want some time for himself, some time away from the person who might hold him back from finding his long-lost family.

I distract myself by turning on a comedy show and removing my face mask. Adrian comes home from his workout, and I spend some time with him, desperate to get my mind off my own problems. He tells me he is prepared for Austria, and I let him know how proud I am. Adrian is working harder than he ever has before.

After dinner, I go upstairs to be by myself for a little. My head has been spinning, thinking about Gabriel the whole time I was with Adrian, and I can’t stand it.

A knock on my bedroom door startles me, but I don’t even flinch.

“Come in,” I say, wondering who it could possibly be.

When he walks through my door, I stop breathing.

“NO,” I say louder than necessary, and a tear rolls down his cheek. “Why did you knock? You explained to me you didn’t have to knock anymore, and I was okay with it. So, don’t start knocking again,” I beg, and the tears that leave my eyes are full of pain.

“Valentina, please don’t make this more difficult than it already is.”

I get up from my bed, but I don’t move closer.

“No, I am going to make this as hard as possible because you are about to destroy everything, and I want it to hurt you just as much as it is going to hurt me.”

It’s selfish, and I know it’s wrong. I’m hoping he won’t leave once he realizes it’s so hard to say goodbye because he loves me more than anything else in the world.

“You don’t think this is going to hurt? You think I haven’t been battling with myself for the past four days? Baby, I love you so much, and doing this now is going to break me, but I have to. I haven’t been treating you right since I found out Carlos is my grandfather, and I am not going to be right for you again until I find Sierra and the rest of her family… my family.”

I sink down on the bed, trying to stay strong, but my bottom lip starts to tremble.

“Please, don’t do that.”

“Then don’t leave. You said I am your life, you gave me this necklace to remind me of that, and now you throw me away like I never meant anything to you,” I yell at him, and the tears falling from his eyes hurt me more than my own.

“I need to do this. I made a promise to put you first, and this is me doing that.”

I nod and look at him with as much anger in my eyes as I can form. My heart is shattering in my chest in a way I have never felt before.

“I don’t care that you think you’re still keeping it. You’re not, and you’re making me break mine too.” I’m yelling, which makes him take a step back. “Why can’t you go out and search for your family with me by your side? Why do you have to leave me to do that?”

He walks over to me, but I get up to put more distance between us again.

“Because you need to focus on your career. You cannot be in your head, wondering about my feelings and picking up the pieces of my broken world! You need all of your attention on one task: preparing yourself to become an F1 driver. I cannot be the reason why you get hurt in the car or why your performance isn’t at its best. Trust me, I know what happens when you lose balance in your mind. It fucks you over, and I will not do that to you. I won’t lose you the same way I lost Maxime!” he yells and points at me, pieces falling into place in my mind. Maxime… “I love you too much, chérie, and that’s why I have to do this. I won’t be who you need me to be, and that’s not fair. Your career has to come first, always,” he whispers, and I look at him in disbelief.

I still cannot breathe, or think, and my heart is sending waves of fear through my bloodstream.

“You know what’s messed up? That even though you’re breaking up with me, I want you to find your family.” I laugh at myself and watch pain shoot over his face. “I’ve lost many people too. So, I understand why you’re doing this, but as the girl who is in love with you, I can’t help but be angry at your reasoning. You are giving up on us as if we never meant anything to you to begin with.”

I’ve never been more self-centered than I am at this moment, but I don’t care. He is doing this to us, he is squeezing all of my organs, and he is making me want to throw up.

“I’m not giving up,” he complains before he throws his hands into the air.

“Yes, you are.” Gabriel sits down on my bed and drops his face into his hands.

“I’m doing this for you, for your career! Valentina, I love—”

“Stop,” I interrupt him. “Stop saying that. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t leave me.” His head shoots up, and he shakes it at my response.

“Try to understand,” he begs, and I let out a short laugh I don’t mean.

“I do, I truly do, but let me put it this way. I love you, and I let you in. I never let anyone in, but I did with you, and you are ripping me apart from the inside out. So, as much as I understand it, I can’t forgive you for this.”This belongs © NôvelDra/ma.Org.

He nods but doesn’t look at me. I want to scream louder than I have ever before. Gabriel is doing this, he is letting go.

“You walk out of that door and I will never be able to forgive you for this.”

I put my hands on my hips because I’m trying to stand my ground. In reality, I want to lie down, curl up in a fetal position, and ball my goddamn eyes out.

“I hope you will be able to forgive me.”

Gabriel stands in front of me, and I let him press a kiss to the top of my head. I can’t help myself. Maybe I want to feel his lips on my skin one more time before I let my anger consume me.

“I’m broken, mon tournesol, and I won’t tear you down with me, not while you’re finally getting everything you’ve ever wanted.” I shake my head as he steps away from me.

“Everything I’ve ever wanted includes you, Gabriel. You spoke about marrying me, but now you’re pushing me out of your life during your darkest time. You don’t trust my love for you, which is the saddest part of it all,” I say, and he rubs his tired face.

“No, chérie, I know you’d help me work through everything, but it would be at the expense of your career. Don’t you understand that? You can’t have a split mind right now. No Formula One driver has made it far if their head wasn’t focused entirely on their success in the beginning stages, in the one you’re in. Please, please, Valentina, you have to let me go,” he explains, desperation all over the beautiful face I’ve studied more than anyone else’s.

Some of my anger drifts as I stare at him.

“My grandfather warned me about you, but I never expected it to hurt like this,” I admit, unwilling to hide my emotions from him.

“My mother warned me about you too. She said I’d fall in love with the strongest, most beautiful woman in the world.”

Without looking back once or saying another word, he leaves my room and my life.

I can’t help but hope it’s just for now…