Sold to Moretti Mafia

Lucca

The air is tense, and after the way things ended last night, awkward. I hate that our last day together has come and that we’ve found ourselves in this situation. Claire can’t even look at me and turns her body away from mine when we get in the car to head to the suburbs where she’ll be staying.

I try to think of an easier way to approach this, one that doesn’t result in me beating her down or embarrassing her further, but I don’t know if there is a way around it. No matter what, she is going to walk away from this ashamed of herself, wondering if there is something wrong with her that makes me not want her.

“You know, it’s okay, Claire. It’s just an innocent little crush, nothing to get bent out of shape about or be ashamed of.”

She doesn’t respond, and her silence makes my grip on the steering wheel tighten. I have to nip this in the bud, end it before it gets out of hand.

“Look, it’s just your hormones messing with your head. Whatever feelings you’re having, they’ll go away.”

She turns in her seat and crosses her arms over her chest. Of course, she would be stubborn about this too.

“And what if it doesn’t?”

I grit my teeth. “It will. You’ll find someone your own age, someone who likes the same things as you do. Someone special.”

“What if I don’t want them?”

I clench my jaw, and my molars grind together hard enough to crack. She’s not going to stop, not until I make her. Until I drive the point all the way into her little heart.

“Then you don’t, but I am not the man for you. I am not a knight or even half of the person you most likely think I am.”

“I don’t care,” she murmurs.

“I do. I care, and I’m not going to tell you again.”

“I can have feelings for whoever I want.”

She’s really going to make me go there. Really going to make me hurt her with my words. How do I tell her I don’t want her, but nicely? There is no way.

“I don’t want you, Claire. In my eyes, you will always be a child. A little kid. Like a sister to me. Do you understand? I don’t care about you or want you in any other way than that.”

I’m a bastard. I don’t dare look at her. I don’t think I could handle seeing the pain in her eyes that I know is there now. I’ve crushed her spirit, and all but taken her heart out of her chest.

She sniffles. If I could punch myself in the head right now, I would.

“I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, Claire.” The words taste foul coming out of my mouth, especially because that’s exactly what I did.

“Just forget it. I don’t know what I was thinking. Obviously, I’m stupid.” Her voice cracks and the pain she’s feeling resonates through it.

“No, you aren’t stupid-”

“Stop! I already made a fool of myself. I don’t need you to continue to explain to me how you feel.”

There are so many more things I could say, but would it really change what I already said? Would it really help lessen the hand I dealt her? I don’t think so.

Pressing my lips together, I swallow my responses down.

In a couple hours, she’ll be back where she belongs, safe with Tracy and Steven again. This time will be different, though. I won’t be able to watch Claire every second of every day, so I found a way around it. I found someone to help me.

Claire will not like it, but that doesn’t matter to me. All that matters is her safety, and that’s not up for negotiation.

The remainder of the drive is pin-drop quiet. Each mile marker we pass, the tenser the air becomes. I roll my window down a smidge, so I don’t suffocate on it.

When we’re about twenty minutes from Steven and Tracy’s new place, Claire speaks again, “So, what happens after this? You’re just going to drop me off and disappear off the face of the earth again?”Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

“I already told you that this is how it has to be. You deserve to live a life that is full and happy. I’m not falling off the face of the earth. I’m just not going to be around. You’ll live your life like you did before.”

“Like when you had someone following me? Like when you forced yourself into my life? That’s what you mean when you say you aren’t going to be around?” I can feel her fiery stare on my skin. It burns with the intensity of ten suns. She is pissed, and I understand why, but that changes nothing.

“Yes, it will be just as it was before.”

“Which means you’ll lurk in the shadows watching me at every turn?”

I have no problem admitting that I had someone watching her from afar. It was only ever for her safety, and so I knew what was going on. This time, I won’t have someone lurking in the shadows to watch her.

I’ll have someone living with her, someone capable of keeping her in place at all times.

“If you must know, I won’t be watching you.”

“No, someone else will be.”

“This time, things will be different.”

Claire huffs like a small child in the seat. “Whatever. I’d rather you just leave altogether. If you’re gone, then I won’t be reminded of how stupid I acted.”

She really thinks I care that much? That her actions changed my opinion of her?

“That’s behind us, Claire. I don’t judge you for having a crush.”