Surrender Your Sensations

“I have to undergo chemo and then surgery to remove my tumor. Then, I have to undergo radiotherapy after the surgery.”

“I will hold your hand throughout those treatments, Meredith. I will always be waiting for you outside the therapy room and the surgery room,” he said, making me immediately smile even more. He interlaced our fingers together and then kissed the back of my hand. “After your treatment, we will have our church wedding.”

I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him. “My doctor suggested mastectomy.”

He stiffened.

And that scared me.

“My doctor said I am susceptible to the recurrence of my cancer because of my genes. He thinks mastectomy can be a help to free myself from the curse of cancer. Both of my breasts will be removed,” I said without even blinking an eye.

He was silent and the bitter feeling instantly caved in.

He removed his head from leaning on my shoulder and he also let go of my hand.

My eyes immediately stung. When he faced me, I was quick to lower my head just so he would not see my face. I tried to hold my tears but the pain of losing Rupert was too much. The tears fell without my permission.

I expected this. He was still a man. Of course, he liked me first because of my body. After all, sex was the reason we met each other.

“Are you backing out on every promise you said?” I asked him. I thanked the heavens above that my voice didn’t shake even though my tears kept falling on my cheeks. “It’s okay. I can understand. I didn’t wear the ring you gave me because I-I expected this reaction from you.”

I was about to wipe my tears when Rupert cupped my face with both of his hands. He lifted my face and our eyes met.

“Are you going to do it? Are you going to have a mastectomy?” he asked me. I wanted to look away from him but he stopped me. He kept my gaze on his.

I reluctantly nodded. My heart was racing. The thought that Rupert would be gone was very painful. “I want to live freely- free from cancer. It’s my way to survive, Rupert.”

“Will you be okay after the mastectomy? Did your doctor guarantee that your condition will be fine after the procedure?”

I looked at him confused. I could hear the concern in his voice.

“I’ll remove both of my breasts. I’ll never have breast cancer again and it will decrease the risk of cancer cells growing in my other organs.”

He nodded and then kissed my forehead. “You? I know this is a difficult decision for you but I still want to ask; can you handle that change in your body?”

“You’re not gonna leave me?”

“No way. There’s no way I’ll leave you. I’m going to marry you, Meredith. Not at church first because you need to get well. But I don’t have any plan of leaving you.”

Is Rupert for real?

“Even if my breasts are removed? My body won’t be the same, Rupert.”

“Tss,” he gave me a peck on my lips, “I love your scars- no matter how many. I love every imperfection of yours, Meredith. Let’s just,” his lips smiled, “stay with each other through the good and bad. ”

I was stunned and stared at him. I just stared at him, fascinated by how his face, little by little, became vivid. His blurred face gradually brightened in front of me. Simultaneously with my heart beating fast with joy, I gradually saw the totality of his face just like the night when he confessed to me and made my heart swell with so much happiness.

I gaped at him. “Rupert.”

“You’re making me even more proud of you, Meredith. Only a brave heart can do what you’re going to do.” He was looking at me with admiration and my heart melted. “I’m just behind you in everything you face. I love you.”

I nodded. I smiled at him before taking his face in my hands. “I can see you again,” I whispered, intently looking at his handsome face.

“For real?”

“Yes. My fiance is handsome,” I told him and my smile widened when his cheeks reddened. “Thank you for choosing to stay. Thank you for loving me. I love you, Rupert.”

“You’re staring too much, Sweetie.”

“Don’t blame me. I don’t know when I’ll see you like this again.”

We stayed like that. I was just staring at him and he was making weird facial expressions- from a happy face, “This is how handsome I am when I smile,” to a grumpy frowning face, “This is my face when you have a period and we’re not allowed to do it.”

I laughed.

Like what he said, I memorized his facial expressions. I printed it in my head- how he smiles, how he laughs, how he frowns, how he jokes, how he will tell me I am beautiful and how he will say how much he loves me like an oath.

Do you see this man, Ma? He’s the guy I am talking about. His name is Rupert Santos. I will marry him and he promised to stay with me. He loves me and I love him. He accepts me and my difficulties. Somehow, things are a bit lighter because of him. Don’t worry about me.

Moments later, a comforting silence enveloped us and we stayed like that. Until…

“Hi. I’m Rupert Santos. I will marry your daughter.”

I was stunned and immediately turned to Rupert. His face was a bit blurry again but I didn’t mind. I still remember his face and that’s already enough for me.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

He took my hand and then kissed it. Then, he faced my mother’s grave again. “I am a band vocalist and I plan to be a doctor. This year, I will graduate with my undergrad degree. I’ll soon enter medical school and become busy. But I promise I will love Meredith and I will take care of her as her husband. I will accompany her in everything she wants to do. You can count on me. I hope you will accept me for Meredith. ”

I smiled. This man was beyond any woman’s ideal guy.

“Please don’t sing to her ‘Marry Your Daughter’,” I teased him, knowing how cheesy he could get.

Rupert smirked. “I’ll sing that to your Dad.”

“What the?” I laughed and he just playfully winked at me.

Rupert told Mama a lot about what happened between us, so we stayed there for a while. “You’re being talkative again,” I pointed out, grinning widely at him.

He laughed out loud before kissing my cheek. “I have a lot of talent in my mouth.” Then, he pecked my lips.

I was blown away by his antics. “So, are we leaving?”

He was stunned then tightened his grip on my hand. He heaved a deep sigh. “Let me talk to Ava.”

My forehead furrowed.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

He kissed my forehead and then he turned his gaze to the tomb next to my mother.

My mouth fell open.

Then and there, that strange memory came back to me.

That day, I was released from hospital after months of treatment, and I went straight to Mama’s grave and saw a man sitting next to my mother’s grave. He looked pathetic that day.

I looked at the name on the marble tomb next to my mother’s. “Ava Peony Lazarte,” I murmured, shocked.

I heard Rupert chuckled before he kissed my temple. He put his arm around my shoulder. “I met a woman here, almost a year ago. She has long hair and a pretty annoying mouth,” he said, knowingly.

With wide eyes, I looked up at him. I couldn’t see his face again but I bet he was grinning.

“I would never forget what she told me that day- Sometimes the road not taken was a lot much worse .”

“You… So, you’re that pathetic guy?” I gasped.

He tucked a loose strand of my hair. “You’re cute when you’re greatly surprised, Sweetie.” I heard the teasing tone in his voice so I slapped his chest.

He laughed and I gave him the deadliest glare.

That scene came back to me. I couldn’t believe this.

“I told you, didn’t I? We met already even before at the bar.”

“You’re naughty. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He laughed out loud. “You called me an asshole that day, Meredith Kaye Santiago. I don’t think you left a good impression on me to be friendly with you,” he said, amused.

“Just shut up.”

He chuckled. “Flash news. You love this asshole and you’re going to get married to me.”

“Can you shut up?” I giggled, rolling my eyes at him as he enjoyed my still half bewildered and shocked expression.

Then and there, I realized we were destined to meet each other. We’re both broken souls trying to live life after a tragedy.

Now, we’re going to live life with each other. What a plot twist we have here.