The Mafia’s Wanted Desires

ASHLEY

I was lost.

I was drowning.

I was falling apart.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

I could feel my whole life shattering into pieces right before my own eyes and I had no control over it. It was breaking me. It was ruining me, leaving me just a shell of myself. It felt as though I had been wearing a mask for as long as I could remember and I barely knew who I was without it anymore.

Stress-cleaning.

That was the only thing I had left.

It was the only thing I had control over and I’d be damned if I ever let it slip away from me. I was ready to hold on to it for as long as I could. Because not holding on to it meant giving in to my thoughts. The same thoughts that have rendered me a shadow of myself.

Giving it a chance to let it absorb me meant thinking about what has gone down this past week. It meant thinking about how I had completely isolated myself from everything. It meant thinking about what he did to me.

It has haunted me and given me several sleepless nights. I had cried my eyes out until there was nothing left in my tear ducts anymore. I was exhausted. I was at a loss for options and I didn’t know how to go about it.

After the whole thing, I snuck into his house when I knew he wasn’t going to be around and took some of the things that I could take, and fled for my life. I didn’t even want to think about how I had been absent from work for nearly a week and what it meant for me. I switched off my phone because I didn’t want to take any calls from anyone.

I wasn’t ready to talk about anything.

I just wanted to be rid of everything that was connected to him.

I cast a wistful glance at the sparkling tiles of my living room that stared back at me, my eyes burned with tears that wanted to spill, but I kept holding them back. I didn’t want to do this again. I had lost count of the times I cleaned this floor today.

I just wanted something that made me feel sane. Something that didn’t make me question my entire existence.

“Ashley, you better be in there!” The shrill voice that belonged to a certain blue eyed girl called out to me through the door, piercing through my thoughts and yanking me out of oblivion.

“Open the door, Ash or we are kicking the door open!” Ivana hollered.

I blinked, picking up the bowl and dashing into the bathroom to dispose of the water. I tore the latex gloves off my fingers and dumped them in the bin, checking myself out in the mirror. I wiped my tears quickly and sniffed, stepping out of the room.

I took a deep breath before opening the door. I didn’t spare so much as a glance in their direction. I merely turned on my heels and headed for my room. I got into bed and pulled the covers over my body.

The white cover was soon yanked off my body by an angry Dawn, who was glaring intently at me. Ivana had a blank expression on her face, making her so difficult to read.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Dawn screamed at me and I flinched, getting teary-eyed again. Ivana’s hands rested on my body and she ran them over my arm soothingly, sending Dawn a soft glance, which caused her to sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Ivana questioned.

I sat up and pulled my legs to my chest, hugging them.

“Adam and I… fought.” I croaked, tugging at the hem of my sweatshirt. I heard Dawn gasp before settling onto the bed. She took a cursory glance at me and gathered me in her arms. It was as though I had been expecting the embrace all day. I broke down, sobbing like a baby.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Let it all out,” Ivana urged, running her fingers through my mess of hair. The girls were quiet. They allowed me to bawl my eyes out and didn’t say anything to me, because I didn’t need them to.

I just wanted to cry my eyes out.

“I’m so sorry,” I hiccuped, moving away from Dawn. I dropped my head to my palms, sniffing loudly.

“Don’t ask,” I frowned, fisting my sweatshirt in my hands. The girls shook their heads and chuckled. I was glad they didn’t push it. I didn’t want to tell them that he hit me. Adam was an amazing guy. He just had a bad temper. I didn’t want them to get mad at him.

“I know a thing or two that could help you get your mind off it,” Dawn spoke up, grinning cheekily. Ivana and I turned to look at her, appalled. She rolled her eyes and raised her hands in mock surrender.

“What? It was just a suggestion.” She huffed like a kid and I giggled.

“Fine, spill!” Ivana rolled her eyes.

“There’s a party at Gray’s Lounge tonight!” She squealed, swaying her body with a contagious grin that made her look like a doll.

“Of course,” Ivana groaned.

“We are only going to go if Ash is up for it.” Ivanna quickly added. I went mute for a while, weighing the odds in my head.

I could stay at home and wallow in sadness or, I could go out for the night and party my ass off.

“Or you could stay here and wait till Adam comes to apologize,” The duo chorused, snorting. My face scrunched in a disapproving frown, a low hiss escaped my lips.

“I’m not his puppet!” I growled.

“Fine, let’s do this,” I said with a determined look on my face, eliciting a loud squeal from the duo.

What could go wrong? It was just a party, right?

A lot could go wrong. If I knew that, I probably would have stayed indoors and not attended a party that changed everything for me.