You Saved Me Once Book 1

Chapter 23: 12I’ll Grow A Pit in My Stom-ach

Thankfully night came fast, and the party was starting soon.

Jake and Emma helped me decorate the house, they still cared about the aesthetics. They’re pretty

cute.

We set up pastel lights all around the house. I don’t think it was a fire hazard.

The more lights, the better. We put them everywhere.

Next was locking the rooms that were off limits. Which consist of; my bedroom, Adams room, and the

bedroom downstairs.

The bedroom downstairs is off limits for us too, but for different reasons. We don’t talk about it. It’s her

room.

The bedrooms unlocked were the guest bedroom, which was our older brother’s Jack’s room, and

Jake’s room.

Doing all of this without the help of Rochelle, or Hayes. They were next door doing, whatever.

I didn’t want to think about it.

When the party started up, they made their appearance. Along with a few other faces.

Adam’s girlfriend Lorene, and his college friends showed first. Then came the high school lacrosse

team, which meant Jeff was attend-ing. It didn’t take long for the house to fill up.

Once the party started, the awkward silence faded.

I wander around, smile at people I don’t know, which is more fun, than it sounds.

Sometimes, I pull out my camera, or polaroid and take pictures. Or fiddle with the music playlist. This is

at any party.

I enjoy parties on Friday nights. That’s when people’s true colors, show.

Hopefully, I can contain myself enough, so my true colors won’t show. Enough, so my secrets won’t

spill out. Knowing everything that’s currently happening, I don’t think I’ll stay sober tonight, on any ac-

counts.

Which in an about an hour, my true colors begin to show.

~~~~

I had way too many shots, and not enough snacks. I was on a high. A destructive one.

With my camera around my neck I bump into Jeff at the snack table.

“Hey Alex.” He smiles.

He looked cleaner than me. He had a water bottle in his hand.

“Oh hey. Jiff.” I sigh.

He smiles at me.

“Are you having fun?” He asks.

He puts his arm around me. I hug him, my flimsy jacket scratches his black t-shirt. He passes me a

water bottle, it’s cold.

“Utter fun Jiff. Utter FUN!” I exhale.

I point to Jake and Emma in the corner of the room, going at it. I cover my mouth and laugh.

“You’re hard to figure out Alex.” He says.

“Me? I’m hard to figure out?” I slur.

“Yep. I kind of hate when people ask the question, that’s being answered.” He says.

He smiles before looking down. For a moment my high is gone, and I see Jeff clearer, both mentally

and physically. He was really nice, like all around.

We talk a little, I go for seconds, Jeff stops me.

“You really think I’m cool “shit”?” I ask.

I nudge Jeff, covering my face seconds later at my own cringe.

“Not cool “shit”, but I think you’re fucking cool. No shit, just cool.” He says.

I shake my head at his terrible joke. He looks at me again, he won’t stop. I nudge him.

“Stop that.” I laugh. I make sure to annunciate as well as I can.

“Thank you.” I laugh.

“You’re not just talking to me because you want to have sex? Or be with me, because I’m innocent? I’m

not, you know?” I state.

“No, Alex.” Jeff turns to me.

“You’re cool, and I want to get to know you. I want something, re-al.” He says.

The drinks from tonight, starts to spiral me down a destructive road.

“Tired of sleeping with the entire school?” I laugh.

“What?” He asks.

“Come on Jeff, you’re a lacrosse player I see with girls all the time.” I say.

“You’re drunk right now Alex.” He says.

“You’re stoned.” I laugh.

“No, I’m not.” He whispers into my ear.

I lean into him, pushing all of my weight onto him. I wanted some-one to hug me. He plays in my hair.

“Are you mad?” I whisper into his ear.

I’m sure he can smell the strong acidic cold breath of poison caus-ing trouble.

“No.” He laughs. He’s lying.

“Right.” I say.

“What’s going on with you?” He asks.

“Nothing. I can’t feel a thing.” I laugh.

“How many people have you been with?” I ask.

“Not many.” He sighs. I should stop, but I can’t.

“You had sex with Rochelle though, right?” I ask.

“What?” He asks.

“Did you have sex with my best friend?” I slur.

I think this question was not only for Jeff, but for someone else.

“Okay. I’m leaving.” He says.

“Now you don’t want me?” I laugh.

“I’ll see you at school, okay?” He says.

He shakes his head before leaving me stranded at the drinks table.

I pour more to drink, now guiding myself back to the main party. I rest myself against a wall, watching

the scene pass me in flashes. The lights, the laughter, the music. Everything was much, it wasn’t

helping the overwhelming feeling that sat in my stomach.

I try. I try to be normal, fit into the party scene, play along. This was enough to quiet the butterflies I felt.

That feeling meant, tears were coming.

I grab my camera and walk over to the downstairs bedroom that’s off limits. The high, numbed me

enough, enough to open the door.

As soon as I do, I see two college kids having sex on the bed.

“What the fuck! Get the fuck out!” I yell, quickly shutting the door behind them.

I make sure they not only leave the room, and my vicinity, but the party as well.

I was very pissed by this, Adam tries to calm me down. When I’m off the wire, Hayes stands by me in

silence.

“Alex are you okay?” Rochelle creeps behind me, giving me a hug.

“No! These fuckers somehow got into her fucking room!” I pull away from Rochelle, upset.

My head is spinning. I can’t walk straight. I laugh instead.

“I think you need to slow down Alex.” Hayes says.

I laugh at his comment and ignore them both. They were pretty drunk themselves. This annoyed me.

I go back to the drink table and pour myself an entire cup now.

“Go mingle you two, go at it. I’m just having fun. The music sucks. I think I’ll go and convince the DJ to

play some better music.” I laugh.

I start to take off my jacket.

“Alex, I’m serious. I think you need to slow down.” Hayes says.

He grabs my cup. He spills the stuff out of my cup.

“Hayes what the fuck!” I scream.

“You don’t get to tell me, what to do! You’re not my family Hayes. You’re, no one to me.” I push him.

“You’re too wasted to take care of yourself, or anyone anyways. Get the fuck away!” I say.

I snatch my cup back from him, and drink what’s left.

“What are you doing, huh?!” He steps close to me.

“What are you going to do Hayes? Date my best friend? Leave when you said you’d stay? Call me

Little Richards, and I’ll give out.” I say to him.

“Just leave me the fuck alone Hayes.” I say.

I walk over to the DJ. He’s young, maybe a college student.

Whoever he is, I go up to him, and kiss him on the lips. People around cheer, Rochelle laughs. The DJ

gropes me, my eyes are closed the entire time.

Hayes grabs my arm. I pull away from him and leave the DJ.

I want them to stop following me. I wanted my spinning vision, to exclude them in it.

“My life is ruined because of you. I hate you.” I say.

I stop walking. My nose starts to bleed again.

Shit

~~~~~

“I’m fine Adam.” I mumble.

Once I made it to the bathroom, I’m on edge of the countertop sink, holding my nose.

Followed by the annoying knocking from Adam, and the obnoxious music, I was officially done with this

party.

When the knocking doesn’t stop, I get pissed, and open it.

Turns out it’s Hayes.

“Your brother told me to check on you.” Hayes grabs tissue for my nose.

“Adam, my brother threw the ball at my face, and sends you? Makes sense.” I say.

I wobble back onto the counter.

“I threw the ball. I blamed Adam, because he thought you’d burst into tears if I said it was me.” Hayes

laughs.

“What the fuck?” I whine.

I bury my head in my hands and start to cry. Hayes grabs more tis-sue.

“Yeah. Probably should’ve told you sober.” He laughs.

“I am sober.” I slur.

“Say Sally Sat Down Beside a Sober Snail 5 times.” He slurs.

“Yeah, I’m pretty wasted too.” He laughs. Hayes’s dazed eyes follow me.

As I sit on the counter, Hayes cleans my bloody nose. When he’d take breaks to talk to me, he’d place

his hands to my side. I could feel his warmth.

I’m still drunk, my colors were coming out.

We’re face to face in a pastel magenta, lit bathroom. It felt like I could do anything.

I feel the pulsing butterflies in my stomach. They are about to ex-plode.

I get off of the counter, and drop to the toilet, releasing everything I consumed tonight. He grabs my

hair.

What a party

~~~~

Once again, it was just me, Hayes, a closed door, and an open win-dow. We sat in silence for a while, I

begged my not yet sober mouth to keep from saying anything stupid. To keep the secrets down, just a

little longer.

The silence made it hard to keep my secrets. Hayes finally says something.

“You still hate me, Little Richards?” Hayes asks. I pick at my nails.

“No Hayes. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you.” I say.

“Do you hate me?” I ask him.

“Still deciding.” He says.

Silence pours over us again. It’s nice silence though. I sit on the counter, Hayes rests against a wall,

directly across from me.

“I hate that you left.” I say to Hayes.

Hayes walks over towards me.

“Which time, Little Richards?” He asks.

“Both times.” I say.

“It was years ago, Alex.” Hayes says.

“3 years go, and you promised me. I needed you, we needed you.” I mumble. I scrunch my hair.

“I’m sorry Alex.” He says.

“I’m sorry I never called.” I say.

“That’s not the same.” He says. He looks away, hurt.

“You couldn’t wait forever, I know that now.” I say.

“If you talked to me, you’d know why I couldn’t. Why I couldn’t come back. Why I can’t wait.” He says.

“Because of the girl, in Hawaii?” I ask.

We’re close to each other. Our faces are so close, to one another.

“I don’t want to talk about her, Little Richards.” He says.

Hayes touches my hands. I gasp at the sensation, I can’t feel the chills, but they are there.

“We should get back to the party.” I slur.

I slide off the counter, Hayes helps me down. He grabs my waist and won’t let go.

My lower back is pressed against the counter, it pokes me, because Hayes is too close.

“Hayes, I know things. I know things that’ll make you think of me differently. Things that’ll make you

hate me.” I say.

“Alex, I know you. I care too much about you, to hate you.” He says.

“But you said you were still deciding.” I say. Hayes laughs.

“I was kidding. I’ll never hate you, Little Richards.” Hayes smiles.

I can feel Hayes’s warmth as he speaks. I never want him to stop talking.

“Hayes, I have secrets. Secrets that are stuck with me.” I say.

“I don’t care.” He says.

We’re too close right now. Too close for the both of us, being in this state of mind. I’m super drunk, he’s

buzzed. Yet, I still don’t want to move.

“Hayes.” I mumble.

I push his hands off my waist. He keeps trapping me with his arms, by my side. He’s staring into my

eyes. He won’t move.

Jake barges into the bathroom with Emma. They are both obnoxiously laughing. Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!

“Hey, you guys want to blaze? Oh shit, look who it is!” Jake laughs.

I back away from Hayes, embarrassed. Rochelle enters the bathroom.

“Who barfed?” She asks. I raise my hand and look at Hayes.

“I’m never drinking again.” I mumble.

Rochelle smiles at the both of us.

“Which one of you wants to be, my beer pong partner?”

You’ve got to be shitting me